Get out of here 2015!

Coming up on the last week of 2015!

I accomplished a lot this year. Feels good to be breaking ground on new things and a whole new outlet on where I'm going. I can't complain about this year at all. There was so much good this year alone that I'm just over here smiling and feeling good about myself. On track with my Journey to 30 and now I'm at the phase where I'm cutting somethings out so that I complete this smooth transition into my "adulthood." Taking back my life and doing new things. Smaller circle of friends, but the success is HUGE right now.

I'm healing up just fine from my battle scars. I AM WINNING.

Happy Sunday!

Let's go back to simplicity.

I Only Want To Live My Truth

Blog world it's been a minute...

I haven't had a real chance to sit down and and just write on here.

Right now I'm just thankful...legit THANKFUL!!!!

I've been on career stand still for SO LONG and very doubtful with myself and my abilities. So I've just been making HUGE, and MAJOR moves in my life and career. There are two things that I'm sure of I want to be in the entertainment industry and whatever form the universe wants that to be and I want to become one bomb ass personal trainer here in NYC.

Last year I got DROPPED from my last agency because I wasn't booking work, which is NO fault of theirs, and I wasn't focused at all. I was caught up in trivial matters, and things my butt really didn't need to be focused on. I really needed to be getting my shit together. I moved here to NYC with goals and dreams and lost all of them and bouncing from relationship to relationship then that turned into "OH I need to be on the scene," which meant being out late partying, drinking too much, and being dramatic for no damn reason. During all of this in the back of my mind I knew that stuff needed to stop. Wondering how did I get so far off course? Why am I not where I want to be? How did I get so extra? Why am I creating and making up shit to fit in? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I realized that I was doing too much and also doing to little to fix my own situations.

I am mystified by how much clarity I have now. Yes, I went out and got help, and I don't like talking about that too much, but I needed some help. Going to the gym and losing weight to be a bad bitch, and getting back at ex's and throwing shade at people...so extra...so extra. My first few years here in NYC have been one for the books. Here I am at the end of 2015...one of the best years I've had here in NYC, and life in general feeling so much better about myself and everything good and bad that I've done in the past.

So I'm about to just SPILL it all out. Let me say that I'm not going to sugarcoat or dress the rest of this entry up to be well written and thoughout, you are about to get me in real time and I make no apologies because going on this "Journey to 30" I only want to live and walk in my truth...that's it. That's all.

3 years ago I moved here to this city coming out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. I moved here and with goals and plans. Truth: I moved here out of a DEEP anger and hunger. I had something to prove. It wasn't just my talent that I wanted to prove. Truth: I want to prove that I was worthy. Within a matter of weeks I was back at it auditioning and dating someone. I though everything was coming together I was rehearsing for a show, and I was dating someone again. During the course of that relationship....I realized that I was being broken down by his own wants and needs. It wasn't until he posted a image of another man, and after explaining to him how I felt about, and being reassured that I shouldn't read into it we continued. Truth: I had already mentally snapped. Seeing that image and comparing that to where I was at with my own weight issues only solidified to me that this man was not satisfied, and it broke me. From that point on and after we broke up...my mission was only to lose weight to prove to that man that I was worthy. I dropped down to 160lbs I began going out and excessively and drinking and being extra. Going to work feeling like I had to fit in with what the other guys were doing. Not knowing that this feeling of inadequacy was spiraling out of control.

Now did he notice? Yes he did. I was doing everything from posting pictures on facebook to leaving quotes on my wall that were hints to him...SO extra and dumb. I look back it now and think "Boy, why?" There were/have been moments where we would link up and rekindle and then we'd fall off again and again. Deep inside I wonder why this keeps happening with us in particular. In a previous blog I did mention that he and I had a really good talk about where I wanted to be in this life. TRUTH: Yes, he out of all the ex's I've had here in the city has been cordial enough to sit down with me and actually and be a REAL friend. Even when I was struggling with my own self image. I could sit here and bash and play the victim, but that's not the type of man that I've become. It was a true lesson learned on both parts and now we can text and bullshit with each other. I realized after our talk how mature I'd become with myself and that if I want a friendship with an ex to work..that both people have got to forgive. He was wrong and so was I.

After dating him I would go on to do a show for a friend and that summer I met another guy. By this time I was really feeling this fit life, but I had started taking things to enhance myself. I dated a guy over that summer that was really a blip, because I was already broken and that relationship that I thought was going so well, ended with me being even more hurt and humiliated. Now still out being extra with my friends and being wild...I thought I'd settle down and really try and invest in something serious...when I look back at all of this what I should have been doing was being focused on my career and making moves, but God has a way of doing things and we do things on His time and in His way...I started dating a coworker, now...here is where I become everything I never wanted to be, but also who I needed to become so I could get to who I am today. This relationship I call "The Quiet Storm." I don't like to speak or really write about it because everything that should have gone right went left. I was a good one, but one where I was really figuring out where I wanted to be in a relationship and also what I wasn't going to tolerate from anyone. I thought I was mending myself with this one, but I was still broken, but I also was starting to feel myself, and looking in places where I didn't need to be looking, just for pure reasons of knowing if I was worthy. I had gotten to a point where I did feel like I was in a 50/25 relationship and not a 50/50. It only reminded me of what I had been through in my 2 1/2 year relationship and that frightened me. I didn't want get to that place where again I was giving so much, then be let down at the end. So I was of my own will becoming cautious and retreating a little bit because I wanted to access and take it all in. It was different in that I felt like more of father than a Boyfriend. It did not sit right with me. I look at it now and know I should have expressed how I felt in a different manner. I also felt that although I was in the WRONG sometimes it was held over my head like a brick about to drop on me, but on the flip side there was no true apology if the other person did wrong. I felt like I had to suck it up and take all blame and deal with what was being thrown at me and not be firm and say here is what you're doing a,b,c that's wrong, but I'm not holding this giant brick over you. So it was me once again being silenced..but in another form. I can now admit to my faults, lies, and ways...but knowing and realizing how alone in having nobody to talk to about what was happening, was making me retreat and wave the white flag of "I'm Done!" It came to a shuttering end the day I grabbed him. The stress of working too much, not being where I wanted to be, and the build up hit me..it was time for this and this part of my life to be done. That moment made me have a flash back to how I had been treated by so many people. constantly being grabbed, and jabbed, and poked...spit on. Being told I'm gullible. Sickening feeling. It was done. I know I get a lot of flack for that.

However..thesd three situations had informed me on the changes that I needed to make and have made judge people I date with a fine toothed comb. I took so much and learned so much from them. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

After I was still being a tragic story..until the end of last year. My 28th Birthday party was where I started to readjust myself. I was single halfway through the year. Putting myself back together. Meeting new people...and enter two women that I call my sisters. Monique and Alyssa are and have been some of the best "GET YO LIFE" friends that I've ever had in my life. They keep it 100% with me whether I'm right or wrong. With them came Sam, Alfie, Alex. New friendships formed with Rachel, Lorenzo, and Donny. Through that storm in my life I feel like the universe saw and heard my call and he brought them into my life to help me. He gave me actual people to talk too, and be open with. Each time I fell down while trying to get right with myself...they were right there to help me up or watch me help myself up and assist if needed. From that point on is where I begin to regain myself. 28 was still rocky but, DAMN I look back now and see I was on track to getting better. My fitness game became healthier. I slowly began to come into form.

I can't tell you how good it feels to have all of these folks in my life. I've taken a vow to not talk shit about anyone, because I think about where I've been and what I've done, and I only want to step out and help someone that's on the wrong track. I feel God has taught me how to forgive myself for my actions and deeds, and to help others who need help. This year I decided to take my Journey to 30 with getting as fit as possible on my 30 B'day. I want to be OUT of serving tables, and really starting to dig into what it is I want out of my life. So far..so good! I shaved my hair off, because it was going back..and damn it was like I got a new look that really works for me. With that I got signed to a agency..and I'm just learning to rebound back into what it is I came out here to do. Not focus so much on relationships, and the past, but to bust my ass and be good at what I want to do. I'm going to be one hell of a top notch personal trainer...Equinox, I'm coming for you! and one hell of presence in Theatre and Film...I've waited long enough. I'm putting in the work and not letting anything stand in my way. I realize now that everything I want it obtainable, I've got to work for it, and want it bad enough for it to work. Do right by myself, so I can do right by others. Be healthy physically, mentally, finance, and all the other goodies will come with it eventually. I am worthy of all of it. Just learning not to reflect so much on past issues, and hurts, but to move forward and learn and grow. My past doesn't matter because I don't live there anymore. No more "I'm Sorry's." More "I'm HERE."

Continued growth brings about amazing changes. Living in your truth and not your lies, whether people like it or not. Being authentic, Being present, Being Me...I'm free...free.

Wait For It

Today I can barely walk from yesterdays Leg Day session at the gym... I squated 270lbs yesterday. That is a new improvement for me. I'm gunning for a thick lower body. Yesterday I went in the gym super focused and pumped about what I want to accomplish. I also layed off of the pre-workout just to see what I'd be able to do. I'm having MAJOR headaches right now..and I think it's because that was the only way I was getting caffeine into my body. I've not had a soda in over 7 months...damn right! I'm not fucking with sodas anymore. I've been sticking to water, teas, and juices every now and again.

This "Journey to 30" is SERIOUS. I think it's sorta funny when people doubt what I'm about to do, but it only drives me and pushes me harder.

Today was "Back Day" in the gym and today I Deadlifted 245lbs 4 sets/ 10 reps. I'm in full beast mode right now. I've decided to stop worrying about what I should look like and just push some heavy ass weight in the gym. I'm already built like a truck, so I just want to keep the shape, but more definition, and a good even look.

I can't get that Hamilton song "Wait For It" out of my head...it drives me during my workouts and its the first song that lyric wise I'm relating to a lot. Aaron Burr seems like a someone I should read more about. I can't wait to see Hamilton either. It's a #1 on my list of shows to see right now, HELL and be in! haha

Anyway...

I'm trying to become a well-rounded Man in general. I'm not perfect and I'm not shooting for perfection. I'm just trying to better myself, and sometimes, I fall back, but this time I've been able to really learn from past mistakes and it's good to know there are people who when I mess up, tell me what to do and how to correct it so that moving forward I won't repeat anything that I shouldn't do.

Winter is coming , and budgeting is going to be a must. Im over here planning my 30th Birthday for next August, and researching photographers. Putting it all together. I'm hoping for some good smooth transitions in the spring of next year.

MUCH LOVE

-Tyree

Setting Myself Up On My Own.

Bodybuilding.com discontinued BodySpace.....so....

I'm going to post my daily workout journal on here. It's one of the things that works for me and it sucks that they got rid of it so soon.

Anyway, I took a much needed 3 day vacation from working out and life. I needed too. Had some stuff on my mind and needed to get of the city for a bit so when they opportunity came up I took it. I had a fantastic time in Salem, Boston, and right here in NYC this weekend.

All three great cities, had a great time with friends and just relaxing. Less time on my phone, and spending more time with people and reality in general.

Now this week I've hit the ground running. I'm doing the 100 days of fitness challenge..holy hell, I hope I can do this. I quit drinking for 60 Days, so I think I can do it. I'm always up for a good challenge. Overall the next few months I really want to pay attention to my diet, and make some good gains in the muscle department. Leaning up for next summer, but I really want my lower body to be top notch by next summer, and I'm not saying this as a gay guy, I love looking at butts as next as the next person, but I want a good lower body because I want it to be even with my upper body. So I'm going in on my leg game!

So 3 days off and step back in the gym today and crush everything. I'm up on my reps and sets, and pushing 90lb dumbbells around. I'm not letting anyone knock me or sidetrack me from my goals. Sometime I get a little self-concious about myself in the gym, but then I stop, breath, and get my work done in there.

I'm going to be lean as fuck! I'm not letting anything or anyone get in the way of that. I have to keep telling myself not to get sidetracked, because I know how easy it is for me.

Winter is here and it's the perfect time for me to just hibernate and focus just on work, and my gym time. In the spring I'm aiming on doing a photo shoot to build on my portfolio and dive right into fitness modeling, and just modeling in general. So I'd love to walk in the Marco Marco show next year...after watching this years show, that something I'd love to be apart of. Along with all of that I want to get back into theatre, I haven't stopped listening to Hamilton, I feel like thats a show that I could see myself being apart of. Love that music and it's characters. We'll see.

Working on my outer image and repairing my insides.

Much LOVE!

-Tyree Walker

Redemption

Redemption: an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed. deliverance; rescue.


It's Day 50 and I'm almost to the very end of my challenge that I've set out for myself. I decided that on this day I would give my best and most honest entry.

2015 is slowly wrapping up and it feels like life is just getting started for me. I've said the many time before in recent blogs, but it's true. I'm still focused on my main goal and I've got awhile to go. My 30th Birthday to be exact, which is a whole year away. Today I want to blog about the progression of myself and talk about the good things on this one. It's been two very long years for me on a mental level. This will probably be the first time I ever blog about this, but I have clinical depression.

Last christmas, I had hit total rock bottom. On the outside of things I was able to tell everyone that everything is
"Ok," and that I'm "Fine." I wasn't either of those things. I hadn't spoken to my family since my last visit home and I got a phone call from my Aunt saying that my brother was in the hospital. My brother was later diagnosed with cancer. When I found that out I raced home and I knew it was time to till with a demon that I wasn't ready to confront. My parents made me seek help. They really didn't want to return back here to the city alone, and not fully knowing what was going on in my life. I began going to therapy and tackling my depression. I realized that through my sessions that I had built so many walls, and wearing so many masks, to NOT deal with issues in my past. It's so easy to talk about things in passing and for people to not think anything of it, but it's another ballgame to not deal with them so you can move on. It was causing HUGE issues for me mentally and physically. Although I was staying in shape, I was still eating terribly, and drinking heavily, and abusing athletic drugs, and all of this was shocking my body. The mix of alcohol and steroids is a HUGE,HUGE..no no. I would be snappy, and also destroying my bladder, destroying my insides because the stuff I was using wasn't good for me at all. You hear stories and you don't think that stuff could happen to you, and you keep doing it, knowing that you know the effects it's having on you, but you want those results so bad.

I've said it before I've had self-image issues since I was in middle school, and someone like me who has been picked on, and I'm very emotional. I was looking for anything to give me the body that I wanted. I tried everything. In January that's when it all seemed to be getting better. I was still drinking a lot, and my friend had gone sober, and he still is. But I started to see the results of one months steady hard work with a controlled diet, and a set workout routine. I've had some amazing people help me out, and I don't want to take credit and say I'm doing this alone. It's taking a village of people to help me. At the same time, now it's really on me to take care of myself. I don't speak on it a lot, but if it wasn't for seeking help, my parents, and just overall tough people who stood by my side even when they didn't have too, today I wouldn't be writing this blog.

In life everyone is going to have bumps in the road. I had to conquer feeling abandoned by an ex, weight issues, the list goes on...but really tackling everything one issue at a time and not trying to tackle them all at the same time.

To me this is the UNDRA TYREE WALKER, that I've wanted to see, and that a few other people have wanted to see. I didn't know how I was going to break the cycle and get back to me, but it feels really good not feel like I'm in a dark place. I'm learning...

I tell people the person I'm invested in right now is ME. I've been so many things for other people that I was never sure who I was. I want to live in my own truth. Stand firm and be ME.

I'm redeeming myself. I'm atoning.

I DO want to love again when the time is right for me, I'm getting out of my head about all of the mistakes I've made.

I tell people that I've done wrong, I'm sorry. I do wish that who I am now was present back then, but to get to who I am becoming, I had to go through and do those things. No human is perfect, you don't go through life being perfect, I felt like i was seeking perfection too much, without seeing my own imperfections.

LAst night a good friend of mine had his Bachelor party and an Ex who began downfall showed up and at first I was shocked and was ready to retreat into my head, but he came over and he hugged me, and it was genuine, no apology needed to be said. We looked at each other and it was clear that it was time to let it go. After that we laughed and talked all night, it was truly wonderful. It was like the universe wanted that to happen. He doesn't know what I've been through and vice versa, nothing needed to be talked about. We had really good fun, and laughed at people. It lets me know that God has a plan for things and people. The Ex and I are not the same people who dated each other before, but it's so good to have rekindled a good friendship again. Also I don't want to live with hurt or hate in my heart...ain't nobody got time for that!

Well that's all for now!

PEACE AND LOVE!

-TYREE

That Next Level Thinking

What's up?

Fall is officially here and things are going well. Life is in full upswing and I'm feeling good about myself. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and a lot of talking to myself, and friends. I'm at the halfway mark of my 60 Day Challenge. Although I'm at Day 43, on Day 30 so much clarity and ease came into my existence. It's been really cool and awakening for me. I've opened up more to people and I'm building new friendships making a new path for myself.

Point: I've found and love myself again.

This whole fitness and redefining myself journey over the past year has been groundbreaking for me. I've found good habits to have and I've found this lifestyle change to be just the thing that I need in my life right now. I've been working towards building the man in myself that I want to see. As my body changes, and as I grow wiser as person, I've realized what's important for me right now. Over the past 2 weeks I've been casually dating a great guy, but I don't see myself with him, or it progressing. I think both of us are aware of this and the the really cool thing is...we're both on the same level. We decided to take things SUPER SLOW...and I'm talking snail pace. We both are very busy individuals in our respectable fields and so we don't see each other as much as we'd life. Which for me is a good thing. I've been so honest about the fact that I am not ready to be in a relationship at all right now. I'm so focused driven on getting to my best shape ever, and going into fitness modeling, and acting that I know that relationship would just not suite me right now. For awhile it was tearing at me, because there is nothing wrong, but after discussing it and realizing it's okay to be where I'm at right now, that I felt so much better. We enjoy each others company and we do cool stuff, and I think that having someone who understands where I'm at is a positive in my books.

I'm not the same guy who when he first moved here needed a boyfriend. I've become this man, who very goal driven and I know myself more than ever and I want to succeed in all that I've set out to do, and I KNOW, I KNOW that it is not my time to have someone in my life to that level. I respect relationships so much, and you have to dedicate a lot of time to one, and that is time right now that I just don't have. My hours are spent carving out my body in the gym, my job, hustling to break into this field, and still maintaining the friendship and my family. I believe that once I feel like I'm in a secure place all around I'll be able to maintain a full-blown, let's work towards marriage relationship, because I don't want to be with someone just to have them, and I see know type of future with them or force myself to "learn" to like someone and settle. I didn't come here to settle.

Through all of this I've asked people when they knew that the person they were with, was THE one, and hearing these amazing answers it is so clear to me that this feeling hasn't happened to me yet, the last time I felt that feeling was in 2011. Now things have changed and I'm ok being by myself. I'm surrounded by love, and when I see others in love, I love..that love that they too are being shown.

New things and changes have happened to me and I couldn't be more happy to be where I'm at in this moment as I plug in this entry. My journey continues. Finding myself, learning who I am, Where I'm Going....you have to know where you're going, and making things happen.

at 29 my life is just happening. I'm happy, and I'm so IN love with myself.

PEACE!

Ty-

Tea, Coffee, and Protein Bars in a Garden of Roses.

I want to squeeze out this post before I go to sleep...

Hey world, it's me, Tyree...

I'm still evolving...

This past weekend and week so far has been really good, and reaffirming. I celebrate my 1 year anniversary on my journey in total defining my body and taking control over one of my biggest issues that I've been having with myself for years. Realizing that I've tackled so many things in a year, and posting a picture of my progress to show others out there going through the same struggle what discipline can do for you. I'm not on some crazy diet fad, or television workout routine. I'm just eating right, and exercising, and being really consistent about it. I looked at the picture and I was astounded at how far I've come. Where I was a year ago, and where I'm at now in my fitness goal is wonderful and it shows that I'm dedicated to the whole process of refining who I am.

This past weekend I spent some time with my Ex, Peter. A lot of people are not aware that I've been spending time with him. Last year as I said in a previous blog, He and I went an entire year not speaking to each other after what happened the summer before. For years we've been back and forth with where we are. This time we are building a solid friendship and last saturday we realized how important we are for each other. Not as couple, but as true friends. We've had many ups and downs, and he and I've both dated other people in-between. This weekend we talked about each of our different relationships after the end of our relationship and it was very eye opening for both of us. A lot of reflecting on what we both need as individuals in a relationship. As of late I've haven't had anyone to talk to about how I feel about my love life and where it's really headed. Pete, has become that outlet for me. As we were wrapping up our evening down in the East Village, we popped into a neat little outside diner. I asked him "How do you know that you're ready for a relationship" in which he replied "Ty, are you ready for a relationship." Before I could respond, my mind said "If you want a real friendship, Tyree you're going to have to be OPEN, and honest, don't give an answer you want someone to hear." My answer..is...I don't know. I've become so invested in myself as of late, rediscovering myself, learning new things, and building my confidence back up. What I'm so scared about is fucking this whole process up with a relationship, I don't want to fail at another relationship, and it's really made me scared to be in one. Also how do I learn to be invested in someone, and the growth of "us" and still take care of myself, and still follow my routine? Pete, gave me some really good advice, he told me how "Wide eyed" I was when I first moved here, and I really needed time to adjust to the city and the men here. He could tell I was finding my groove here and he was really proud of me, but he was also able to impart some good advice for me. I just have to balance everything, and be OPEN about what I'm doing and communicate that to my Boyfriend or Partner.

Where I'd like to be is in a friendship, that will blossom into a relationship. I want someone to learn about me, and I learn about them. Actually, date. No rushed sex, no co-habitation. Everything happens so fast here, that I want to slow the process down. Get to know me, be patient with me, and vice versa. Build a strong bond. I'm wrapping up my 20's and for me I'm looking to be able to build a steady relationship with a guy, that will lead to a future as "US" and "WE." But right now patience. I'm not out looking for someone to cuff with for the winter months ahead, or a mr. right now. In December I'll have been single for a FULL year...and I've been loving it. I've dated, and gone out on dates, all good, some shady, but good learning lessons. Just finding what fits for me. I went on my first date in 3 months today, it was really nice. We met for...tea, and coffee, and protein bar...yes PROTEIN bars. We sat in a garden and got to know each other. I was...very surprised. Similar backgrounds, and taste in life. We will see. Nothing is set in stone. He almost canceled the date, and I was this close from going "ghost" and acting like I forgot we discussed meeting each other today out of fear that this wasn't something I needed to do. Turns out we needed to meet other after all. Maybe this is a good friendship that's being made that might turn into more. Either way the groundwork for whatever is to happen...and it's good either way...has been laid down.


Here's to my future.

PEACE AND LOVE

P.S. Who would've thought I'd be at this place in my life? Not me. Loving this growth and process.

MUCHO KISSES WORLD! I'm going to sip on this bedtime tea and pass the hell out! MUCH LOVE!

Finding Me.

At the end of a pretty solid week. This has been a really good week. Where do I begin? Where do I begin? I've been doing a lot of personal housekeeping. It's so weird, this week I walked into Bath,& Body Works, A store I couldn't stand to go in because of the smells, and I bought candles, and all kinds of scents. Afterwards I walked into Bed, Bath, and Beyond and bought all new pillows for my bed. Much needed I must say. Also the next day I decided that it was just time to overhaul my whole wardrobe. I'm a man that is really a Gym life kinda guy and I've got plenty of gym clothing to prove it, but it baffled me that I don't have any collar dress shirts, and slacks that fit me properly. So what did I do? I went online and bought dress shirts, and slacks for myself.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?!?! hahaha

All of these subtle changes that I'm making for myself. I do feel a new sense of TRUE independence for myself. Taking care of myself. I'm trying to change things up slowly. This is all baby steps for me. I'm ready for this. I like it.

I'm on Day 19 of my little challenge, and feeling good about myself and where I'm at. Last night I went to support a co-worker of mine down in the East Village and afterwards I had an impromptu dinner with a co-worker that I never get to hangout with, and I got to know them a lot better. What I took away from last evening was that if you want support from people you've got to get out and give support too. Also not to judge someones work personality. I was blown away by how cool, and calm my co-worker was outside of work. What I appreciated the most by the dinner was that someone was interested about this journey/transformation that I'm on. It made it a lot easier to open up about what I'm doing, and sharing why I'm doing this. It felt good to have someone listen and not judge me. Also give me some good advice, and to keep doing what I'm doing. I needed to here that. After that I decided to go on a long walk, so I put my headphones on and listened to music and just walked along the streets to the West Village, actually started tearing up, and I don't like crying at all, but it was the first time I realized that I'm healing myself. I've been going though some dark dark dark times, and these dark clouds that have been hanging over me are all clearing up. It just felt so good to be releasing it all.

This is not an easy road for me, and yes I walk it alone. I've had to learn to let go of my past the things I've done, and the things that have been done to me. Realizing I'm the healthiest I've EVER been, I'm no longer doing a lot of things, and subtracting a lot of b.s. out of my life.

The other week I took a friend to a really nice lounge and he was blown away by it all. He looked at me and he said "I see you in places like this. I see you living around this area. It's good to see you placing yourself around these people, you're even introducing me to new possibilities of my life." That was great to hear.

I'm on the road of change and more changes are coming for me. We all grown and learn at our own pace. I've lived two different lives in my 20's and as I wrap my 20's up I'm looking forward to really finding my groove here. I'm enjoying this ride.

Loving all music again, and sticking to my goals and plans.

MUCH LOVE AND PEACE!

-TYREE

The Man That's Been Laying Dormant Inside.

Hello, bloggers.

Sorry, I didn't post last week. I've been crazy busy with new things and a lot of changes going on. So I've officially started my 60 Day Challenge. I don't want to go into a lot of details about what that is or what it entails right now. I feel like if I tell you all about it that it my come off very boring, although it's been really hard for me. Anyways...life is on a huge up swing, lots of good things are happening and man it feels so good.

Two weeks ago I was back home in Alabama and it felt so good to be home and amongst family. With that I was closing an old chapter in my life and I was making plans on starting a new chapter. So far so good. I've decided to take my chances and dive right into Fitness Modeling, and going into more commercial work. Yes, I'm putting musical theatre on hold for right now. I've got to go where I seem to be getting a good chunk of my work from. Having always booked Shakespeare shows, plays, and commercial work it seems that this is just fitting for me right now. I spent last year really bummed about an audition process that I went through, and now I'm just looking at what my options outside of stage work. Thanks to the power of instagram and those crazy hashtags (used for the right purpose.) I've been handed some awesome opportunities from fitness clothing lines and other personal trainers. As you can tell I'm really into this fitness lifestyle. I'm just now trying to find a way to combine this lifestyle and parlay that into a successful career in entertainment. College really didn't prepare me for this. I've got the acting part down, but now with the assistance of a coach we are working to build myself into my own mogul, basically seeing myself and image as a business.

With all of that I've had to really change stuff around on my social media outlets and being careful of what I say or put out there on social media. I've not done anything crazy, or said anything against anyone, but just covering my basics.

My fitness game has been on LOCK. It's insane. I don't have the time to mess around with anyone. I've stopped taking clients at the moment to put more focus on my own body. I work two jobs to support myself, and I've been grinding it out like nobodies business. Still finding time to relax when I can. I feel like I'm starting to find my groove in many ways. I don't want pretend to be something I'm not, I don't want to be out crazy late, I don't want to be caught up or out there. All my focus and energy is being poured into unlocking THIS person that's been inside of me for so long. I've always had this image in my brain of who I'm supposed to be. My best friend back home was saying this about himself and I totally related it to it. I see this image of who I am and what I'm here to do. Now its about putting in the work, and laying the ground work down.

I'm 11 days into my challenge and the first week was crazy hard, I got through it though with my will power. Each week it's something new, but I've had a lot of clarity and that's good. I'm so happy for everybody and wanting everyone to succeed, but I'm also taking b.s. from anyone either. I don't want for anything. I'm just in a really really good spot right now, and I'm pleased. I don't regret anything that I've ever done, I'm through with sorries, and things that I thought the past had control over, because the past has no real control over me. I shook those things off and kept going with my life. Feels good.

That's all for now.

LOVE AND PEACE!

Coming Home To Visit...I got more than what I came for.

I'm sitting here in my childhood bedroom. Typing this entry in my home state of Alabama. I'm back here visiting for many reasons. This time it's a leisure trip for me. That's what coming home should feel like. I flew out here last week, and I've been enjoying myself. Being able to see friends, and classmates from my high school days. It's been a really reflective time for me.

You know sometimes you need to leave a place so that you can be reminded why you left, to see how far you've come, and to see how far you've still got to go. It's interesting to be back here. I've been doing a lot of planning for what I've got to do when I return to NYC, and some things that I want to set into motion. I'm on this quest to be the best that I can be physically and mentally. Although I've been here at home, I've been adhering to my diet, and workout routines. What use to be a routine is now a way of life for me. Coming home, a lot of people have noticed the change I've made to myself, and I can't say "Thank, you" enough. I've worked hard to get where I am now, and the compliments are appreciated, and it reaffirms that I'm on the right track right now. Staying focused is getting me places.

Last week I posted a progress pic of myself on instagram, I actually felt good about doing it. I'm sorta shy about my body, but as I get more comfortable with myself and I see myself more, I don't mind showing my progress. Feeling good in my skin has been a battle for me for many years. Feels good to be at a place where I can show it off. Keep in mind that I've got aways to go before where I want to be, but this is a nice beginning.

Last night I took a run around my neighborhood to see how much this place has changed and I was thinking to myself "Look how I've changed." I'm learning to love myself, and stopping all the self-sabotoging that I've been doing to my life. It's stalled me in the past from doing my best, or giving my all in many aspects of my life. Being home has made me realize that it's time for me to REALLY do myself a favor and to continue to work hard. There are people here that really want to see me succeed in life and I intend on doing just that. I'm ready to make some power moves and kickoff this career and get back to doing what I love, plus more. I'm motivated to do some really good things. Putting in perspective that everything will fall in place the way it's supposed too. I've just go to stay the course. I'm aware that there will be moments where it won't go the way that I'd like it too, but in the big picture of it all it's going they way God wants it too. I've got to trust him through my seasons, days, and hours.

I'm beginning to not be so concerned about where my life is at because of where I see other people at on Social Media, because people put on there what they want you to see, and that may not be what's really going on. I can only pay attention to what I'm doing and what's going on with me. I've been so much happier! Putting myself together really has been so much fun. Who knew that I'd really starting seeing myself clearer at 29? Not me! More upfront about what I want, and need, and most of all INDEPENDENT! Independence is a wonderful thing. I've not been in a relationship for 7 months..and at 29, when some people might be pressing for one, I'm over here saying "I'll be in a relationship when the right one comes along, whether it's someone from my past, or someone new, but this TIME...I'll know how to still be me, and how to still take care of me, while with someone else." I'm not ruling out relationships because who knows when it might come around for me again. I'm not going to lie, and say that I don't have guys who've been interested in me, I'm just looking for someone who will understand what I'm trying to do, and be a teammate , and be super supportive of me through my good and bad.

Feeling good, Feeling focused, ready to get back to the city and do my thing! 100% ready.

MUCH LOVE! PEACE

-Tyree Walker

Nobody Gives A F*&% About Your Excuses

In all of the 29 years of my life I've never been more focused and ambitious as a person. Laying aside all of the b.s. of yesterday and working on being and doing something greater than myself. Recently I've seen some people withdraw from me because of my goals and what I've got planned in my life in the next coming months, and years. It's crazy to me that there are people out there that really want you to stay complacent in life. I'm coming up on a year of deciding to fuck excuses and doing something about what's going on in my life.

The benefits of going through agony, pain, and hurt, have made me physically and mentally stronger as a man/person. Doing what I have to do to get out of the mess that I was in at the time. Partying, clubbing, excessive drinking, eating, etc. It's so easy to get caught up in that lifestyle living here in New York. I was losing the purpose of why I came here. I came here to be successful. I've always been into fitness and trying to take my body to the next level, but it really wasn't until last October that it got really serious for me. I've been learning to deal with the pain of my past. Anything you want to accomplish you've got to go through pain to get to where you want to be. Working out has taught me the beauty of powering through the pain. I love the results I'm getting. Learning that yes, you have to make some sacrifices to do this. I've sacrificed being in relationships, going out with friends, and what have you because I'm so goal driven, and ambitious about getting to where I want to be physically, and even mentally. It's caused a better understanding of myself and what I want out of life. I stopped sleeping on my aspirations and I put that shit to work! I've thought long and hard about it, I've talked about it, and NOW...I'm ALL about it. I'm going for what's mine.

With anything you want, you have to make sacrifices in order to get results. In the effort to do that it may cause some pain, but that's the real beauty of life. For me right now results are the only thing that matter to me right now. This past Saturday I was trying to make a friend understand that I wasn't going to come into the city and party. I was tired from work, and I knew that I had to be at the gym the next morning to put in work, and that it wouldn't be smart for me at all to be out all night, and the next day not handle my business. It's all about where my priorities are. I hung out last saturday and went to VIVA, which I hadn't been to all summer, but that party/ going out every weekend lifestyle, doesn't fall in line with what I'm trying to achieve for long term goal reasons. It got to me a little bit that they weren't that understanding, and then I realized that it's ok, but don't get sidetracked by how someone else feels about what I'm doing. They don't have to deal with the outcome of me being sidetracked.

Right now I work a lot, and I've got to get up early in the morning to make sure that I have time to get my workout in. There is just no room for excuses as to why I can't stay consistent with my gym time. Work and playtime shouldn't and hasn't been getting in the way of that, because I'm seeing the results of stay on track with what I've set out to do. Right now I'm happy that I've gone though some difficulty, because now I'm doing something special for myself, and most people can't and won't achieve what I'm doing right now, because they aren't willing to go through the sacrifice and pain to do what it takes. Successful people are successful because they do what must be done whether they like it or not. There are days that I don't want to get up and take my ass to the gym, and then it clicks in my head that "Fool, this is the most important time for you to be in the gym. Get that ass up!" So I get my ass up and go. My diet is even more important to me to, that's the most important part to me.

Redefining who I am, and what I want. That's what's important right now. I'm driven. My confidence is stronger. Traveling a precarious obstacle filled path with a magnificent reward at its summit, knowing there is every possibility I can make it. Self-love...that's what it's really about.

Much Love! PEACE!

Tyree Walker

No More Self-Doubt.

I've made it through my first full week on my "Journey to 30." I was asked last week how it feels to be 29, I don't have an answer for that just yet. Anyway everything is going well. I've been trying to work up what I'm going to write about in this entry. I guess right now all I can really say is that I'm living. Over the past few weeks I've become more of a centered person, it's weird to me. I feel like I'm growing as a person and learning to adjust as an adult.

I've started reading this self-help book that has been making me aware of my full potential and what I can achieve just by getting out of my own way. This past weekend I took a trip out of New York to spend the weekend with my first "NYC" Boyfriend. At first I was hesitant to go up and see him. He's living in a new state and he's doing well for himself. I'm really proud of him. We haven't really spoken in a year, and I think it was a good thing because I think mutually he and I needed to grow and take a step back from our friendship. While hanging out with him I was able to reveal all that was going on with my life since we last spoke and he was able too as well. What a difference a year makes. Right? I needed to get away from the city for a moment, the train ride gave me time to think about what's next in my life, and to check if I'm still on check with what I've set out to do for myself.

In the past I've self-sabotaged myself from loving me, and loving others with an open heart. I got so caught up here and trying to be on the scene, and I was becoming the very type of person that I don't like. Recently I decided to take a step and delete myself from apps that are sex driven (Grindr, Scruff..etc.) It's hard because that physical attention that I as man need, was easily at my finger tips. There are days where I want to download it back, but I know that's not going to put me closer to the person that God wants me to be with. I'm now at that stage in my life where a rock steady relationship is what I need in my life. Someone who is my teammate , who can check me, but still has a lot of respect for me. I'm human, I'm not perfect, and I want someone in my life that sees that and is there to help me and vice versa. Also I don't want to rush to be in a relationship, I want to be able to set some ground work down, build to something that will be lasting. I want to be able to get down on one knee and propose someone that I love deeply. Just another one of the goals that I'm working towards.

I'm on the most important journey of my life right now. I'm going to be in the best shape of my life. I'm working so hard. There are times that I doubt myself, but I shut that double talk out and I find the strength to keep going. I love myself enough to make this happen. I'm so focused and dedicated to this process. I want to be a fitness model and actor, and it's crazy because now the doors are opening for me just because I took the first steps to getting myself together. It's crazy and truly amazing.

I don't know if it's because my faith has grown that I'm progressing the way I am. I use to be afraid to be wise, and I thought that was hindering me, but it's only made me realize that I too am a damn good person. My past was full of ups and a lot of downs, but now I can't even focus on what I've done in the past because I'm working hard at an amazing future.

I'm so proud of where I am right now. I wished to be at this place in my life, and it's only getting better.

MUCH LOVE

Tyree Walker

Confidence

I wrapped up being 28! It was a really good fixing, and learning age. I have no regrets from this past year. I've walked away learning so much more about myself and what I really need and want from this life. I've done my apologizing, and I've made so much peace with a lot of my past. I think all of that work I've been doing is starting to show, which to me knows I'm growing.

Now I begin my 29th year of life and I officially begin the last year of my 20's and now I'm on my "Official" Journey to 30. Many blogs back I spoke about being at my tip top shape by the time I'm 30...well that's happening. In October of last year I made vow to myself and it will be coming up on a year really soon and I'm so happy to say that I'm still in it to win it! I've made huge strides and not to long ago I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was really surprised at how much I've progressed. I've gained so much more confidence in myself, which I was lacking so much of. I decided to run around my neighborhood with my shirt off and it was probably one of the first times in my life that I didn't feel self-consious about myself. I even took a selfie and posted it. It was great!

So focusing on one goal at a time is the key right now. Eating right, gym time, and spiritual growth are what I'm doing right now. I think everything else will fall into place.

I had a great "cheat" birthday weekend, now it's back to the grind!

Let's do this 29!

Much Love!

Tyree Walker

OK, Summer!

I finally have some time to sit and write for a bit.

Summer is now full in swing and it's been wonderful so far. I'm coming off a wonderful weekend filled with friends,and lots of celebrating. This year had to be one of the best Prides of attended here in New York City. 4 Days ago the The Supreme Court declared that the States could not keep same-sex couples from getting married in all 50 states. Hearing this news made this years Pride even more amazing. It's crazy to think that now I can legally get married and it be recognized. Now my home state, Alabama is alas being a baby back bitch, and try to act as if they have so much power and they are trying to do some type of 25 day holding period. That's total bs, but this too shall pass.

I didn't get to "turnt up" this weekend though. I limited myself and I really payed attention to what I was drinking when and if I had a drink, and I also took a little time off from my diet to have some fun. It really was a nice weekend. I didn't go into it expecting to wild out, and be a train wreck, but I enjoyed myself. I think what really made me happy was the ruling and all the good news. Although I'm still very much single I am happy to know that I'm getting the same rights as everyone else.

My fitness journey is still on lock! Starting this week and from here on out I'm really focusing on fine tuning my body. I want my abs and lower body to "pop" more so I'm pushing and changing up some things in the gym and really going hardcore on my diet. Cutting out Dairy (Damn, I love cheese), Sugar (Bread Pudding), My sodium intake, and alcohol which is not such a huge problem for me. I don't know what it is but I'm not finding too much pleasure from it these days. I attended Broadway Bares last weekend and I know I had about four drinks, and I left with no type of buzz or anything. I must be building up some type of tolerance. I only drink one day out of the week anyway, but I'm going to keep it simple this coming month and sticking to a glass of red wine.

Lifestyle changes are something else! In October it will be "officially" one year, since I sought out help, started getting lean and really in shape. A friend of mine from college posted a picture of my from 7 years ago when I was in college and I saw how much of difference working out has really done for me. Even moving across the U.S. has done wonders for me. Just taking everything day by day and celebrating my small victories.

It's funny how when you start to mature as a person, and get yourself together, who all sticks around and who all of sudden vanishes out of your life. I guess that's how life works huh? The same goes for guys that try and get my attention too. Although I am very much a single guy, I've become really selective about what I want in another guy. I learned that that is indeed a good thing. I do want to date again and soon I'll jump back into the dating world, but slowly. I've had guys that want to speed rush things, and that's not what I need right now. I just want to go out and see what's out there and so who I click with. Like I said in my last post I'm looking for something that could last awhile...or...even a lifetime. I want to make sure that I'm also taking care of ME, and achieving the goals that I've set before myself. I'm beginning my Journey to 30 in a little over a month, and I'm on a mission to be in the best shape I've ever been in by then and I KNOW I can do this.

That's all I've got for now!

MUCH PEACE, AND LOVE! **DEUCES** STAY UP!

To Each His Own In His Own Time

You wouldn't believe how I've been mulling over writing this blog over the past few weeks. I've been coming home late at night saying to myself "Tyree, write this blog before you go to bed!" Instead I end up going to bed just so I can get the little bit of sleep that I can get. I don't know how long this blog is going to be..but I'm just going to write and just be a open book for a minute and I'm just going to share this all with the world.

In August of this year I will be entering into my last year of my 20's. I've been thinking about this a lot all while deciding what I want to do this year for my birthday. As I was thinking about all of this it hit me that your 20's a lot of stuff can happen, and it also made me ask the question "When does it all start to fall into place?" I know that answer now "To each his own in his own time." I've been saying that a lot to some of my friends and I'm finding very true. I don't know how or why, but recently a huge wave of peace has washed over me. I decided to stop working at the gym because it hit me that I like working out for me and teaching others is cool, but I don't want to do it under a corporate run gym. I'm thinking about taking on a more private clientele for myself in the future, but right now I really just want to work on me and me only.

I've been stretching myself thin lately and not taking days off from my other jobs and it's starting to take a toll on me so I've had to designate the same off days at both places just so I can relax and not feel crazy tired. I'm working out harder than ever and realizing that things really do take time and patience. Watching my stomach go away and seeing my entire body change is pretty darn cool. I've posted a few photos on the instagram just to show off some of my progress. I've been gulping down water like it's my job. I don't know what it is but it's like a youthfulness has returned to me.

Something that I've been doing lately has been distancing myself from my coworkers at my server job. Not that anything has happened to me or anyone. I've learned that for me it's better to keep a very small circle than having anyone else in your business. I've made some really good friends there and I've had some really awesome friends start working there, but I find myself lately loving to just go in make the money that I'm going to make and going home. It's put my focus and goals back into better focus. When I first started working there that was my sole purpose and I got sidetracked by getting caught up. I've been doing way better financially at work due to this whole change in focus while at work. No more late night bar crawls after work, because I know I have to be at the gym the next day, no eating the food there unless it's my cash/trainer meal..even then it's just chicken or a salad (No cheese, or crutons.)

With that being said I'm also no longer "Eating where I shit!" That means I will not be dating or sleeping with anyone else from work. It's not worth it for me really. I've had one failed relationship from that already, and I tried to rekindle that but when a friendship was decided afterward to move on. I don't want to be involved with co-workers in that way just because NEW YORK is HUGE and there are plenty if guys out here. I'm reveling in my single life right now, and it's really the first time in my life where I can say I'm ok with it. I stay so busy that where do I really have time for anyone else but me. Now I'm not saying I'm cutting off dating. I love going on dates. I've been on a few recently, and just by branching out of my own comfort zone and reservations I've met some quality guys. It's nice to know that I have options in a way. Because the next relationship that I do have, I'd like it to last for awhile you know? I've started to see more and more of what I want from the next person I'm with.

At the beginning of the end of my 28th year of life it now starts to feel like I'm finding my footing. Cutting people off has become SO easy, just telling things straight up has been easy, living within my means, being honest, and just being ME and odd has been great. I'm reading books, exploring more of the city, making awesome new friends, and just taking life..day by day.

It's a wonderful feeling not having to compare myself to others and where I'm at in life. I'm growing...I'm living and that's what matters the most!

Well g2g PEACE

Here I Go!

HELLO, Again!

Let's try this out for awhile ;)

I AM....

I am not the things my family did.
I am not the voices in my head.
I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside.

I AM LIGHT

I am not the mistakes I have made,
or any of the things that caused me pain.
I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind.

I AM LIGHT

I am not the color of my eyes.
I am not the skin on the outside.
I am not the my age.
I am not the my race.
my soul inside,

IS ALL LIGHT

I am divinity defined.
I am the god on the inside.

I am a star.
a piece of it all

I am Light



Thank you, India Arie

Stumbling is not falling.

The end of March is upon us and April showers will soon be pouring down over NYC.

This month has been a whirlwind of many highs and very few lows for me. I've made so many new and wonderful friends this month. All types of faces and many from different places. I've been out supporting new made friends and I see that when you go out and support those people that they too will bring that support and love right back to you. A few blogs ago I discussed how I was job hunting and for a month I'd been interviewing for one place and I ended up not getting it, but at the end of this month I applied for another job and I ended up getting a very kick-ass offer. With that it seems that everything is starting to come together like it should. For awhile it seemed that I was rushing myself to get to where I wanted it to be, but what I really needed to understand that everything does take time, and there is no hurrying needed. My course. My pace.

I spent this month really beginning to fine tune my physical goals, and some mental goals too! This whole year I'm so determined to leave the past in the past, and continue to #win in everything that I put my mind too. I've started to reconnect with some people, and to talk about where it all went wrong and to just go from there. It's really been thanks to some really positive people in my life right now, who don't have to sugarcoat anything to me. I hate sugar coating. Give me the bare bones truth and facts.

Right now my #1 priority is getting back to me, and making my life experience worth while and exciting again. I've stumbled while here, but I've not fallen down. Getting to the place where I can trust again. Myself and others. Also getting to a place where I can be open about my feelings (I DO HAVE THEM) and coming to terms with everything else that's been going on in my life. I think my biggest obstacle is forgiving my past. To talk about the brewing hate that I built up in my heart for some people, baffles me. I don't even like to use the word, but the anguish, or thought of them use to burn my mental gears and then I thought to myself...this person has too much power over me if I've got this much anger for them. I would ask myself "How does this person have so much control? When did I give them this power?" I said "Ok, I've got to shake this anger off my heart, I'm too good of a person to let someone who clearly doesn't have there personal shit together to dominate my life." That person is keeping me in a place where I can't even be mentally free because they fucked me over because of something that's going on with them. I don't want to live in it and I don't want to have any part in it anymore, and to be quite frank..I don't want MY FRIENDS apart of it either, and I sure as hell don't want them to be apart of that. One of my close friends witnessed what happened to me, and after that I just don't want that type of life, or situation to happen ever again. I see the positives of all that happened. I came out on top a much better person and someone who is now more aware and not going to let someone make me think that what they do is ok, if it feels wrong to me. There's a valid reason I'm feeling that way because my feelings are so valid. Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it, and right is right even if nobody is doing it. If someone doesn't respect that then they have no business being around you or your inner circle.

It pains me because I let that effect not only my self-image and self-worth, but it also effected other people I tried to date. Hurts my heart so bad to think that what was done to me, I was just passing those same actions and thoughts on because I was beginning to think that's how it is here. It doesn't have to be that way. That ends with me. Everyone has a heart and nobody wants there heart to be broken or taken from them, or trampled upon. That was done to me, and now I'll be damned if I continue what happened to me, and pass it on to someone else. It's like a STD..the gift that keeps on giving.

IF it wasn't for my love for fitness and the arts I would totally not be in the best position right now. I'm only writing this now..because I'm a place now where it's time to talk about it, and I want to talk about it, and share it. I see the gym and the theatre as my sanctuaries from every outside force that could try to get at me in a negative light. You know, yeah, I spend a lot of time in the gym, but it's my thing, it's my hobby and if it wasn't for that...you'll never know. Piecing my life together, and making up for lost time is a day to day struggle. I took on a new lifestyle, and it's worked wonders for me...HELL I even look younger because of it. Good is coming...SO MUCH good is coming. Little by little. Everyday that I have a smile on my face when I get up..I want to share it with someone next to me. Life is and will be beautiful.

WE FALL DOWN BUT WE GET THE UP!!! That's for damn sure!!!

MUCH LOVE AND LIGHT TO YOU ALL!!!

I'm out!!

Feeling Good.

A new week for of new challenges, and new beginnings have begun for me. I took two off days from the gym to let my body heal and to prep for the new stuff that's happening this week. I'm going full force into bodybuilding. I know that some people don't want me to get that this big, but it's not about what they want. It's about what I want. Everyday that I'm in the gym and I feel and see myself grow, and my physique get better, my joy goes full throttle through the roof and I've got to do what makes me happy. Yesterday (Monday) I had the hardest chest day ever. With bodybuilding, you've really go to push yourself in all areas. I was huffing, puffing, and grunting while doing longer sets and pushing my body to failure. When I started at Planet Fitness, I was quiet and made no noise, but now that I'm at NYSC, and DBG..I'm making all the noises. Feels good! Real Good!

The real struggle right now is forcing myself to eat 5 to 6 times a day, but it's all good. I eat my snacks (Nuts, and Berries) and push through.

All I can think about are the gains I'm going to make! I'm two weeks from my Spartan Exercise challenge and I'm super pumped about it!

I'm proud of how far I pushed myself yesterday in the gym. I know the pay off is going to be great in the end. I'm going to try to blog/ journal everyday, before I sleep this week, because I know that to hold myself accountable with what I'm doing I need to do this more often. Im logging in my progress as well in a written journal too.

Optimism Returns

GO AWAY February and I welcome in a wonderful March!

What can I write about? Well I woke up this morning with a pleasant smile on my face. Nothing in particular has happened except that fact that I'm feeling and doing a lot better than usual. So far I've walked into this year way better than last year. The outlook is better and I feel better about some things. My gym attitude is at a ALL TIME HIGH!!! Seeing my body change because of what I'm doing is a thrill and excitement to me. Seeing my body grow the right way and doing the right things to make gains in strength, and really seeing this change and looking at my body as piece of art.

Everyday I've been getting up at around 6 or 7am to put in the man hours to get to my tip top best physical shape. I'm so dedicated to this process that it's crazy. Going through with this lifestyle change has really helped me give me more of sense of what I want right now and in the future. I cut a lot of un-needed bullshit out of my life. Men, Crazy partying, crazy drinking, and trying to be someone else that I'm clearly not. Just being myself, and honest with who I am, and what I want really is great accomplishment for me. It's got to the point that even if I feel myself start to cave I pull myself together really quick. I'm trying to remember who said that I wouldn't be able to do this...right, I stopped talking to all of them. It feels good to be surrounded by just really positive people and making new friends who see what I'm going through and are just overall supportive of me and the changes I'm making. I've even made good friends with people who I thought I would never make friends with.

My workouts and diet are insane!!!! I fucking LOVE IT!!! Haha It's really strict but to make gains I've got to eat right and I've been posting a lot of what I've been cooking on my instagram and sharing my feelings through facebook, which I don't mind because I've got to start spreading all this goodness that's been sitting in me for so long.

Looking forward to my very first adult out the country experience in September. Curacao you're calling my name!!! I'm excited about that.

Each day is a new day to make things right! I'm not my past and I'm not my yesterdays. Everyday I'm climbing to a better me and smiling often and not living in my past. A FUCKING MEN!!!

Love and Light!! I'm OUT!!!

Waves on Swim

I see the end of February approaching! Not much has happened that exciting. I'm still on a great path and I'm celebrating my triumphs and my losses too. I ended up NOT getting the job that I spent all this month trying to obtain, but I wasn't even heartbroken over it. I know that when one door closes another one will open, and maybe that's not meant for me right now at this time. However another opportunity has presented itself and I'm pursuing that and it's been going well. The struggle is trying to maintain two jobs at one time and working 5 days a week at one while still training at the other..it's tough! However I'm really liking it.

I've continued to beef up my workouts and for the past two weeks I've been sore as hell from them..I love it! It's probably one of the best feelings I've had so far. Knowing I'm sore because I'm actually pushing myself to do better. Also getting compliments from people has been great too.

These days a lot of past things are really starting to look smaller in my rearview mirror. I don't really pay attention to things at work or let people get to me. It's not worth it and I figure that they are all in the same position I'm in and if anyone is any better than they wouldn't be there either. I'm starting to have more clarity and seeing things like I should see them. These past two months have been good to me and it seems like this entire year is going to be awesome.

I'm taking my first ever personal trip out of the country at the end of September. It's just going to be me, myself, and I. Someone asked me if I'm scared to do that. My answer is NO! I'm a lot older than I look and I'm a pretty independent guy. I plan on enjoying myself, and soaking up the awesome beach weather. If I'm still single I'll be fine, but if I'm not I'll invite them a long, but if they don't go...I'm still going. I have too! This is part of my journey.

On Valentine's Day I thought I was going to be lonely or something, but I was surrounded by friends and I realized that really I am surrounded by love and that's more important right now during this time for me. It seems like being a bachelor is in my cards for awhile and I'm starting to be ok with that. As long as I can travel, be healthy, and spend time with good folks, and my family...I'm gonna be ok.

Cheers to still sticking to my goals, progressing through this bitch!

I love myself, I love me more than ever, AND I'm not lonely! I'm happy!

PEACE

Love is in the Air, or is that the smell of my sweaty jockstrap?

The first full week of February is wrapping up and I think this month is shaping up nicely.

I've made it through one month sober and still going strong. I'm struggling on what to talk about in this particular blog so it might be a mixed bag of things. Valentine's Day is around the corner..next Saturday I believe. It's kinda got me in a sentimental mood. Nothing in particular it just makes me reflect on past relationships and what I've learned from them. This past week I've been learning to reflect on my past in a more positive light. I'm learning to know that it's ok to have had some fucked up relationship, that's how this works sometimes. You grow, you learn, you move forward. At heart I must admit that I am a hopeless romantic. I am that guy who loves to cook for another guy, etc...someday it will all click. Everything has its time and place. I feel that at times I really do have to put thoughts of love, and a good relationship on the back burner because of what I'm doing right now. It's all good. I hear the best things really do happen when you're not even looking.

This week my workouts have gotten harder. I'm a lot more sore than usual because I'm doing more weights. This is the last month of bulking season and starting in March I'll start cutting. Since I've really gotten into weightlifting I've come to learn that I can't do some of the shit that I use too as much. Like going out like I did when I moved here and such. I'm in the gym 5 to 6 times a week. I don't workout on the Sabbath, just because God rested on that day and so do I. That's my personal thing. When I'm not at work I'm usually in the gym or I'm studying for my personal training certification. I live, eat, sleep, and breath this gym/fitness life. On that note the past few weeks I've been interviewing for a chance to become a full-time personal trainer with a great gym that I've dreamed of building a career with. I've been passed on to the final phase of the interview process and right now I couldn't be more excited. I don't want to jinx myself by talking about it too much, but this is something I really, really, really want! To work for them would be just the beginning of new things and very much in line what I said I was going to do this year. However this is a career move for me, and I can't believe that I would be going back into the Athletic/Fitness world that I left after my Sophomore year of college. It's funny how things turn out right? I never new that this blazing passion for fitness and to be a personal trainer FULL TIME would be something that 1.) I'd be excellent at. and 2.) That I love so much.

I'm keeping my fingers and balls crossed that they see in me someone who really plans on making a difference with the company and clientele.

I've been over here binge watching "Queer as Folk"...ehh, it's ok. My legs, and thighs are on FIRE from my leg day yesterday. This is when a boyfriend would be nice to have.

Well gotta go for now!

Love and Light to all my readers.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! STAY THAT WAY!

That Word That Carries A Lot of Weight.

Love, a word that comes and goes, but few people really know what it means to love. - Kirk Franklin

Last night I probably had the deepest discussion with a co-worker that I've had in a long while. The topic was on love. I think that right now we live in an era where we aren't being/giving/experiencing love like we should. Now you will mistake me to think I'm speaking on a romanticized love, no not at all. That's not what I'm writing about. I'm speaking of a love that's been misplaced by a people. Some say it starts with or is found when you experience when you know happiness from within, that's only a piece of the matter. Love is greater, and will always be greater than happiness. I've come to experience happiness without love, and I've known it many times without it, both good and bad. To me happiness is trendy at the moment. From what I have experienced from happiness is that it has a cost when experienced too intensely. Happiness is not suited for every situation, even love, and joy.

My mind has been churning and churning, even more since I've been sober. I see myself thinking more deeply and clearer and recognizing things that under the influence of alcohol I might not have caught before. Before I moved here to New York, I wrote everyday, from general topics, to full plays, exploring and asking the question whether or not we really understand what love entails. I hear people use the word so much, but I don't feel the weight of it when they say it. For some reason, I've always been able to feel the weight on how someone uses there words. When my parents and brother use the word LOVE I can feel the weight on which they use it. To think about how they say it now send my entire body into a un-describable joy. Because I feel that Love is REAL. I have only ever felt that same weight and usage of the word "love" by one other person and that was before I even moved to this city. It should be noted that this city has nothing to do on the effects of love, or how I see it.

I've had people use the word before to me, and sometimes I look at them funny because after they say it because I don't feel the weight that's supposed to be there with that word. I feel like Maya Angelou was right when she said when somebody really loves you, YOU will feel it, and from some people I just don't really feel the weight of the word/ or the feeling that I should be getting from hearing that word said to me. I almost feel very certain that is the universe protecting me from a false sense of love. I don't want to be trapped in a false sense of love just for the sake of being "loved."

Soul Searching is hard at times, and right now it's been doing wonders for me. People sometimes think they know me, but I would like to say that before you even try to say something about me, they should really try figuring out who I am. I am odd, I think a lot, I live in my own little world, I'm amazingly talented at seeing others for who they are and accepting it with no sort of judgements, because I have no stones to through, because I myself am not without sin. I will never be that person that is going to outwardly do malice to anyone. I am living. I truly feel that right now I am in this transition phase of my life that the universe it only setting me up for true success.

I AM CHANGING, I AM BEAUTIFUL...and I've only just started. Some people in my life will fall by wayside, Nobody really knows my past struggles, because they are in the past and that's where they will stay. I want to elevate myself in this life, and bring a long the people that have really really and I mean REALLY helped me a long the way.


Everyday that I change is sometimes so so so so so so so hard, because I'm afraid to let go of some situations, be everyday that I see the light and what's waiting for me at the end I know I'm on the right path. People just don't know the struggle that I'm going through...and nobody else can carry this but me. I see the victory and the obstacles I've already overcome. I'm in the fight...YOU will SEE ME!

I AM HERE!!!

Human Again.

Another week and only more improvements and gains.

I'm still sober! I feel good and thanks to my best friend Logan it's been making this whole process a lot easier to do because he's planning on being sober for life, and I totally applaud him for it. Being sober isn't easy at all. We tried going out for a bit the other evening and we had to stick to Red Bulls (Sugar Free for me), Seltzer and Limes, and Water all evening. We went to several spots in HK before heading back up-town and going to Suite Bar, which ended up being the perfect spot for us, to chill, not be judged and have a really good time. I'd been there once before with an Ex, but being with a close friend was awesome. We met a few drag queens and one said she'd pay me in booze if I got onstage and took my shirt off during her performance. I declined because although I know it would be fun, I'm not at the comfort level where I'd being willing to just do all of that just yet.

I've become so focused with myself as of late, it's crazy. I've put more energy into ME than I ever have before. I FINALLY did the photo shoot for this Fitness clothing line, and I spend a lot of money on gym clothes, supplements, and prepping for my food during the week. I switched to taking online classes for my certification, but school this semester is just too expensive, and I've got a lot on my plate. I've jumped back into acting...which is great! My overall being feels better.

I tried dating a friend, but I quickly learned that right now if I'm REALLY going to focus on me then being single is what I need to be right now. I look at my schedule and my day to day life and right now I don't know where to fit in a relationship. True, you make time for the things you want, but a relationship has to be something I want. I want a relationship, that fits into my lifestyle, and thats healthy for me and him. I'm coming into myself, and with that I know what I want, how I want it to be, and when I want something, and how to make it work. I've had many a failed relationships with guys, and many them due to me, but I know now that's life, and if I don't see myself being with someone long-term, than I'm not going to try and push something that I know is not there.'

Life is so funny...I'm always figuring out things as they happen to me.

Something I must say I'm proud of is my growth and learning more about who Tyree is, and the changes I've made so far. I don't have to pretend to be perfect, I can be flawed, I can hurt, I can hurt others, I can lie, I can be lied too, I can tell the truth, and I can have the truth be told to me. The most important..I AM HUMAN. I AM HUMAN.

I want to love, and love hard..I miss that feeling.

Until next week!

Much LIGHT!

Small Victories.

I've made it through another week...sober, and still feeling good.

Still working out and I've started a new supplement regiment that's getting some cool results so far.

Each week I introduce new things into my lifestyle change and this week I'm going to be moving my workouts from the afternoon to the early mornings before everyone gets in there so I can have more room to work and do what I need to do.

The diet and meal prepping is still solid, and today I treated myself to a Oreo Cupcake! I had a good week so why not? Hell, yeah I and I loved it too!

Being sober has brought about some new challenges this week. The major one being.."How do you have fun on weekends in this city that's not surrounded by alcohol, and I can still be around other guys like me?" The answer is you suck that shit up and you go to the bars and not drink. Keep a red bull, or seltzer in hand and be more social. It's not that hard actually.

Every day I wake-up still sober is another triumph that I'm happy about. Everyday as I see my body change is another small victory for me. I'm learning to appreciate the small victories right now. Change does not happen overnight, this is a slow and hard process.

The countdown to the Spartan Race Exercise event is coming around the corner. I see you March! That's also the beginning of Cutting Season for me. I do love Bulking Season though! ;)

If Life Were Only Made of Moments

I've conquered another week...

Change isn't so hard after all. My thirst of alcohol has actually subsided and I don't feel the stress of wanting alcohol either. Yesterday I attempted to go to my first AA meeting but out of fear of being the new guy I didn't go in. Luckily a good friend of mine was there and told me that next time I should just go in and not be worried about being the new person. Baby steps. It is no secret that I've recognized that I too have had a problem with drinking, and I will say that I don't plan to quit forever, but right now I'm learning how to manage my drinking and so right now I'm quitting altogether. 15 days sober. WOO HOO!

On the up and up! I'm really loving my gym time. I always love my gym time. I'm finally seeing my body change right before my eyes and it's pretty freakin' awesome. I will say that my libido has kicked into overdrive because of it. I think that's due to my more frequent leg days and my testosterone levels are going through the roof! What I'm saying is "I find myself more hornier than usual!" Which is a good thing. I feel like the last few people I've dated I haven't been as sexually attracted to them because of things going on in my head, and whatnot, but lord there are days I find myself with a boner and I have no clue what to do with it! Oh well!

Regaining ground of my life is what's important right now. This coming week I'm prepping my meals, going harder in the gym and moving forward with my life. I found myself less stressed at work, which meant more money for me, and I'm on the hunt for somewhere new to work while working this job too! A change of pace here would be nice for me.

I'm teaching myself how to date people, I'm not looking for a relationship right at this moment, but it would be nice to have a guy around to take out every now and again, and vice versa. One step at a time Ty...I tell myself. I'm in no hurry to be shacked up, but decent friendly company would be nice.


That's all for now!

LOVE, PEACE, AND LIGHT!

Change Don't Come Easy

I'm fighting a battle that I know won't last forever, but it is a tough battle. I've decided to change my lifestyle completely, for the better. The only thing that has been troubling me has been the fact that a few people aren't too cool about it and I've lost some friends because of it. Last night I learned that with this change some people are going to fall by the way side, some will not want to see me change, and some people will hate just because they can. What I have to do is keep moving forward, and keep on the path and know that this battle won't always last.

I went home for the Christmas and I was so happy to be home and surrounded by family and old friends. It really centered me again. My brother has been diagnosed with cancer but he's still the same man, with the same attitude. Mom is still my Mom, and My Dad and I actually hugged each other and told each other that we love each other. That means a lot to me, because my Dad and I never really did that while I was growing up.

I do feel good about this change that I'm doing , but it is very hard mentally on me. I pray so hard not to fuck up and not let what people say or my inner-self get the best of me. Everyday that I don't have a drink, or I'm tempted to put trash in my body...and I think about what the outcome will be by not putting it in my body and I move forward. I pray everyday not to give in to what going on around me and so far so good.

I don't regret anything that's happened to me, or that I've done to others because I know that everything happens for a reason and those things had to happen so that I could get here. Now I want to just live in the moment and make the best of those moments, without judgement and without fear.

October I decided to change and now it's January 2015 and I'm still going strong. I can do this!