No More Self-Doubt.

I've made it through my first full week on my "Journey to 30." I was asked last week how it feels to be 29, I don't have an answer for that just yet. Anyway everything is going well. I've been trying to work up what I'm going to write about in this entry. I guess right now all I can really say is that I'm living. Over the past few weeks I've become more of a centered person, it's weird to me. I feel like I'm growing as a person and learning to adjust as an adult.

I've started reading this self-help book that has been making me aware of my full potential and what I can achieve just by getting out of my own way. This past weekend I took a trip out of New York to spend the weekend with my first "NYC" Boyfriend. At first I was hesitant to go up and see him. He's living in a new state and he's doing well for himself. I'm really proud of him. We haven't really spoken in a year, and I think it was a good thing because I think mutually he and I needed to grow and take a step back from our friendship. While hanging out with him I was able to reveal all that was going on with my life since we last spoke and he was able too as well. What a difference a year makes. Right? I needed to get away from the city for a moment, the train ride gave me time to think about what's next in my life, and to check if I'm still on check with what I've set out to do for myself.

In the past I've self-sabotaged myself from loving me, and loving others with an open heart. I got so caught up here and trying to be on the scene, and I was becoming the very type of person that I don't like. Recently I decided to take a step and delete myself from apps that are sex driven (Grindr, Scruff..etc.) It's hard because that physical attention that I as man need, was easily at my finger tips. There are days where I want to download it back, but I know that's not going to put me closer to the person that God wants me to be with. I'm now at that stage in my life where a rock steady relationship is what I need in my life. Someone who is my teammate , who can check me, but still has a lot of respect for me. I'm human, I'm not perfect, and I want someone in my life that sees that and is there to help me and vice versa. Also I don't want to rush to be in a relationship, I want to be able to set some ground work down, build to something that will be lasting. I want to be able to get down on one knee and propose someone that I love deeply. Just another one of the goals that I'm working towards.

I'm on the most important journey of my life right now. I'm going to be in the best shape of my life. I'm working so hard. There are times that I doubt myself, but I shut that double talk out and I find the strength to keep going. I love myself enough to make this happen. I'm so focused and dedicated to this process. I want to be a fitness model and actor, and it's crazy because now the doors are opening for me just because I took the first steps to getting myself together. It's crazy and truly amazing.

I don't know if it's because my faith has grown that I'm progressing the way I am. I use to be afraid to be wise, and I thought that was hindering me, but it's only made me realize that I too am a damn good person. My past was full of ups and a lot of downs, but now I can't even focus on what I've done in the past because I'm working hard at an amazing future.

I'm so proud of where I am right now. I wished to be at this place in my life, and it's only getting better.

MUCH LOVE

Tyree Walker