I'm on week two of the body transformation and it has been good and very hard. Although I'm only on week two, each week brings about something new and the slow changes have to be made. Last week I begin amping up my workouts and paying very close to my nutrition, which is the most important part for me. I should start by saying that I love food...food has always been there for me whenever I've needed it. I was once 250 lbs and now I'm l95 lbs. This change has happened over a course of 2 1/2 years. Some lose weight quicker than others and I've gotten down to 160..but that was because I was a vegetarian and running like crazy. I never want to be that size again.
My goal is to be the lean and fit! I've been bulking up for the last two months and now I'm starting to lean myself up for the coming spring and summer. I've got all winter to work on myself, but it's not easy and I've had a few setbacks, but for the past two weeks I've been really good to myself. I've had some peer pressure moments but I haven't let them effect me too much and that's good too. I've intensified my workout and I've been working hard to make each gym session really count. I've learned this week alone that when I'm full I don't have to finish my plate, and too pay attention to when I'm really hungry or just bored. I find that when I'm home alone like this I get really bored and I want to eat, but I'm not really hungry. I've been killing my craving by eating peanut butter before I go to sleep and drinking lots of water. That early morning piss is one long piss! I've cut back my social activities a lot, and the other evening that came to a head when I friend told me I was "shady" because I don't show up to event anymore. A lot of my not attending has to do with work, studying, gym, and dating. I'm trying to change my habits and it's hard because there are times when I want to be out with the crowd and around friends, but I don't want to be drunk, or overly tired the next day, and it's not good for what I'm trying to achieve with myself. I don't like being called "shady" but I understand that when you're trying to do better sometimes it takes other people to get use to what you're doing.
Another reason I'm amping up my workouts is because my Brother is fighting his battle with cancer and it's knocked my workouts up more because I want to be the best that I can be for him too.
I'm more motivated than I've ever been before and I plan to keep it up. I stood in the mirror tonight to see if I could see some changes and I see some small things happening. I'm praying to stay strong in this effort, and keep the momentum up.
I'm making my way uphill...I will be victorious.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Analyze the mistakes you’ve made in your life....
Wow,
It's been ages since I've had the time to post anything on here. I took a much needed break from blogging to get my shit together. Look at God! Sometime life calls for you to take a break and exam what's really going on in your life. I guess my last post was sometime in July I believe and after that I just stopped. The key thing that I failed to realize with me is that writing is essential to me. I don't want to get trapped into having to write weekly or feel like I have to put something out there for the people when this is really for me. I need to be able to write when it's time to write and this is one of those times.
I guess I'll start with saying this summer was really where change and growth for me happened. I hate the winters here in NYC, I feel like it brings on some type of depression and it magnifies that for people who already have depression. To catch myself up about what I've talked about before in previous blogs at the beginning of the year...I ended a relationship with someone so that I could begin to focus solely on myself. There was a lot of back and forth with that, but I think that comes with every ending as you start a new beginning. Spring rolled around I dropped my weight so I could begin to build muscle. I also tried to befriend and ex, which come June after an event and being devastated I decided to end contact with him and also end contact with all my exe's, whether it was to stop talking to them blank point period, or not interact with them on social media. Time will mend itself. I think what I realized at that point that night I was standing on a roof top in Harlem and looking over at New Jersey, that I had really lost a sense of who I was because I had become so soft and nice to people, never really standing up for myself. It was that very night that I felt growth and change begin to happen for me.
I picked myself up on my own and began to work on my own and at my own pace. I think it takes being shattered to see where you need to start over with yourself. I know now that in life you're going to fall down tons of times, but you sure as hell have to pick yourself up again and keep going. Life doesn't stop after disappointment. I started saving money to put my own self through school without the assistance of my parents and family, simply because it makes me put more effort into my studies and holds me more accountable because it's my money at hand. Getting certified to be a personal trainer and I'm going to be studying nutrition. It's so crazy the road life takes us. Because I want to better my body image it has made me very passionate about health and fitness.
Somebody this year told me that I could not change. Now I laugh because they are so very wrong. A long time ago i learned to not let word hurt me, and to pay attention to what people say when they are angry. Those words alone made me more powerful than I had expected.
With growth and change you also begin to let go of stuff that you feel is bringing you down a bit. At my day job I took a position that I thought would be good for me through the course of taking on the position I learned that this isn't what I want to be doing here, because it doesn't make me happy, and I realized that for me personally that I'm not there for that, and I don't want to move up in place where don't want to make that my career and I also don't want to mislead anyone and not train them right. I chose not to re-apply for the position and with that it's giving me more time to focus on my outside work like, studying and prepping for the occasional audition, and hanging out with different people and crowds.
I look back at this year so far and realized I'm on the right path. It's not easy, but I can smile a lot more then I ever did. I don't have to validate myself to anyone anymore and I can take my past mistakes and learn from them instead of letting them get the best of me. I'm still on this journey and I'm excited to see where it takes me. We are always growing, we are always changing, but this time I'm doing it for the right reason..and that reason is for me.
It's been ages since I've had the time to post anything on here. I took a much needed break from blogging to get my shit together. Look at God! Sometime life calls for you to take a break and exam what's really going on in your life. I guess my last post was sometime in July I believe and after that I just stopped. The key thing that I failed to realize with me is that writing is essential to me. I don't want to get trapped into having to write weekly or feel like I have to put something out there for the people when this is really for me. I need to be able to write when it's time to write and this is one of those times.
I guess I'll start with saying this summer was really where change and growth for me happened. I hate the winters here in NYC, I feel like it brings on some type of depression and it magnifies that for people who already have depression. To catch myself up about what I've talked about before in previous blogs at the beginning of the year...I ended a relationship with someone so that I could begin to focus solely on myself. There was a lot of back and forth with that, but I think that comes with every ending as you start a new beginning. Spring rolled around I dropped my weight so I could begin to build muscle. I also tried to befriend and ex, which come June after an event and being devastated I decided to end contact with him and also end contact with all my exe's, whether it was to stop talking to them blank point period, or not interact with them on social media. Time will mend itself. I think what I realized at that point that night I was standing on a roof top in Harlem and looking over at New Jersey, that I had really lost a sense of who I was because I had become so soft and nice to people, never really standing up for myself. It was that very night that I felt growth and change begin to happen for me.
I picked myself up on my own and began to work on my own and at my own pace. I think it takes being shattered to see where you need to start over with yourself. I know now that in life you're going to fall down tons of times, but you sure as hell have to pick yourself up again and keep going. Life doesn't stop after disappointment. I started saving money to put my own self through school without the assistance of my parents and family, simply because it makes me put more effort into my studies and holds me more accountable because it's my money at hand. Getting certified to be a personal trainer and I'm going to be studying nutrition. It's so crazy the road life takes us. Because I want to better my body image it has made me very passionate about health and fitness.
Somebody this year told me that I could not change. Now I laugh because they are so very wrong. A long time ago i learned to not let word hurt me, and to pay attention to what people say when they are angry. Those words alone made me more powerful than I had expected.
With growth and change you also begin to let go of stuff that you feel is bringing you down a bit. At my day job I took a position that I thought would be good for me through the course of taking on the position I learned that this isn't what I want to be doing here, because it doesn't make me happy, and I realized that for me personally that I'm not there for that, and I don't want to move up in place where don't want to make that my career and I also don't want to mislead anyone and not train them right. I chose not to re-apply for the position and with that it's giving me more time to focus on my outside work like, studying and prepping for the occasional audition, and hanging out with different people and crowds.
I look back at this year so far and realized I'm on the right path. It's not easy, but I can smile a lot more then I ever did. I don't have to validate myself to anyone anymore and I can take my past mistakes and learn from them instead of letting them get the best of me. I'm still on this journey and I'm excited to see where it takes me. We are always growing, we are always changing, but this time I'm doing it for the right reason..and that reason is for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)