Don't You Recognize A Fellow Astronaut?

It's been a week! I know, I was supposed to write everyday, but some days I actually need to LIVE my life so I can have things to talk about on here!

So my diet and workout routine is going really well. I'm still going strong with my drinking a gallon of water everyday. I start my days super early because I am a morning person so after I leave my workouts on my off days, I usually finish my gallon jug by mid-day. Which is cool. I'm not at the moment taking in any juices, soda, and going SUPER light on my alcohol. If I do go out for drinks with friends, right now, I stick with vodka sodas. With a lot of caution I'll have a margarita, but that means I really have to limit my drink intake the rest of the evening. Recently while on this much stricter diet with my fluids I've found that it's very easy for me to get tipsy a bit easier than normal. So I do limit my drinking to 2-3 drinks MAX. For me now knowing that it's a bit easier for me to get tipsy easier, I still want to be social around my friends, so this is really working out for me.
In the gym, I'm making some really good progress on my form in all areas of weightlifting. Also the energy I have in the gym is great. I can attribute that to me drinking water and keeping myself hydrated during my workouts. This week I'm really starting to see some results taking place in my body. I have to remember that I'm trying to keep my size, but lower my body fat, and it's working. Definition, and toning is happening. It's a good feeling when you see your work starting to take shape.

I feel a bit more focused in the gym and outside of the gym. I'm able to concentrate on my tasks at work, and pay attention to what I'm doing in the gym. I know what it takes for me to keep myself focused, and sometimes it can be hard, because I have to work hard at not letting my mind wander, or let myself talk myself out of what I'm doing. I continue to ask for guidance from the Lord whenever I feel myself begin to doubt what I'm doing. This week I've been eating Gluten Free, and it's a bitch! Finding products that don't have gluten in them, and staying away from breads. It's hard. I almost caved yesterday while I was at the mall. I saw a Mrs. Fields stand and I was like "Fuck it, I want some chocolate chip mini's!" I handed my card over to the cashier and she then asked for my ID, and I looked in my wallet and realized I'd left it at home. I think that was a sign from the universe telling me "YOU AIN'T GETTING NO COOKIES TODAY, HOE!"So I didn't get the cookies and I walked home upset, but also glad I didn't get them, because I don't need them. I only wanted them because they were right there.

On matter of life. I'm happy to be more connected with my family right now. My parents have learned to FaceTime on there phones so now I can see them and talk to them more often. I even text my Aunt Jean (Mom #2) more often! I miss them a lot and I want to plan a trip home soon, and hopefully bring a guy home too, I know..I've got to date someone first, but a man can dream can't he? I'd like to go home for Thanksgiving this year and cook for my family. They rarely get to taste some of the things I make and this would be an awesome chance to show them what I can whip up in that kitchen. Also it would be nice to see some old friends too, and have them over for dinner. I should probably look into doing a potluck or something! Booze, Food, Family, Friends, and Turkey in ALABAMA sounds like a damn good time in my opinion.

That's all for now! HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

LOVE, PEACE, AND ALL THE LIGHT THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER!

-TY

P.S. I've been to the moon! :D

The Humanistic Revival of Me

It's Wednesday and I just finished a really really really awesome Leg Day.

I don't know what it is about today. I have so much energy, and I'm just feeling really good inside and out. This morning I woke after a good sleep, and for some reason it was in my spirit to re-listen to the "4" album by Beyonce. Now, this is my favorite Bey album for many reason, but I listened to it all the way through and this surge of energy just filled me up. I was ready to go to the gym and smash my workout session. I was in there squatting and just killing the weights. Focusing on my form, and making sure I was doing everything correctly. I make it very clear that I want some nice glutes. I strive really hard to get my ass where I want it to be. I am starting to see the months of hard work pay off. Even I have to cup it sometimes and be say to myself "Damn, boy you doing it!" I want my body to be proportional, but I want that ass though! Afterwards I hit the calisthenics really hard. I'm getting to the point where I'm beastin' my pull-ups! Today one of the gym trainers noticed and told me to enter to the Pull-Up contest that they are doing till Friday, of course I said "Yes!" I'm not passing up an opportunity to show what I've been doing. So tomorrow I'm going to participate. I hit the Row machine for 30 minutes afterwards. It was a good workout! I like this energy that decided to show up. It's good!

Still doing some cleaning up around my social circle. Today I had to check a friend about treating our friendship like it was a "At His Convenience" type of thing. I'm in this place where I just totally keep it real with anyone that wants to be in my life or around me in general. I can say that I too have been known to be the same way, but as I correct my own steps, and I don't want other people to be that way with me anymore. It's a treat people how you want to be treated thing. So set the record straight, it was a good relief off of he and I. The friendship will grow stronger because of it.

This renaissance that I'm going through is truly unbelievable and exciting for me. I'm calling it a renaissance because this is really a humanistic revival of myself. Getting really deep into looking at my body as a art piece that I'm constantly sculpting, and slowly going back into the a visual/performance art scene itself. It's really good, because my job is surrounded by it and my evenings off allow me to work on my fitness, and immerse myself in art. The two things that I'm really the most passionate about right now. This is allowing me to really set the ground work down for who I am, and how I want to represent myself, and my family. Let me say that a person doesn't change overnight, I've been working over the past couple of years towards my change. A few entries back I spoke on how I woke up in my room and how I had to get rid of some energy that just wasn't doing me any service. The getting rid of past items, and building a new slate for myself and RESPECTING myself more it was the key to pulling myself back together.

I was walking home from the gym and just thinking about how far I've come and and where I've been emotionally. I've come far. I'm just like "ok, let's keep going, this progress, let's keep up the momentum!" I'm finding my way. I'm by myself, I'm by myself, and I think that right now it's been a HUGE impact on my goals. I'm working for ME! I don't know what works for other people, but this works for me. I want to feel like I'm a great Man. I want to do great things and make the people the people that have stood behind me really happy, and even those that don't like me I want to make them happy too. Life is happening...it really is. Where I want to be.

Being ME, New York WILL adjust

Being ME, the world WILL adjust

LOVE, PEACE, and SO MUCH LIGHT!

Love y'all

-TY

P.S. THIS AIN'T OVER

I'll Rise Up

I'm in the second week of my "Crunch Time." I'm trying to get more steady into writing on here daily. I told myself that I really want to strive to write here more often if I can. Even if it's nothing big, I want to get better about writing about my thoughts and what's going on with me.

So it's officially been ONE full week of drinking a gallon of water everyday. I decided that as a part of my workout and diet I wanted to start drinking a gallon of water everyday. The first week was pretty smooth. I've done this before but not for a very long period of time so making this apart of my routine has become simple and easier with my day to day lifestyle. I'm using the restroom more frequently, but I feel good. That's a plus! I've joined a new fitness app to track my progress and it's kinda fun, and it keeps me in check with visually how I'm doing.
So I'm doing a full-cut right now. I've learned that I can build muscle really quickly. I'm 194 lbs right now. I'm benching 230lbs, and I can lift 100lb dumbbells in both arms and rep them both comfortable. My squat max has increased as well. So I've packed on some mass for my size. Now I'm trying to cut back down to 185..while retaining my size, but taking my body fat percentage down. So I'm doing less weights, but more reps. I'm going to cut the fuck out of my body. I've add 30 mins of cardio after every session and I've been going for 1hr walks in the AM to get myself going. Of course I've been real keen on my diet too. Cooking really clean, and limiting my carb intake too. As you can see this is a process, but I do love it. Getting my body to where I want it to be is like my own birthday present to myself. I want to go into my 30's in great shape.

All of this is great, I'm taking as much advantage of this time that I'm alone to really fine tune my physique and just do more me things. I realize that as I take on this "journey" that I really don't have room for anything else right now. My life is work, gym, rest, repeat. It's cool, and I'm in no way bothered by it. I can say that I get a little lonely sometimes, but I'm starting to take that time to really figure out somethings. I think about the past situation that I just got out of, and like how that's making me feel. I have times where I'm upset, and there are times when I'm at the gym and the sun comes out and I'm ok. When I see the sun while I'm working out I know that everything is going to be ok and that with my faith I'm not going to go without what God has provided for me, and what he's about to provide me with. Returning to my faith and letting that guide me has been a huge driving force while obtaining my goals. I'm a spiritual man, I don't let my sexuality get in the way of that, and I speak to the Spirit upstairs everyday. I come to Him with questions a lot, and I see that He answers them through little things. It pulls me through.

It's a weird feeling, I'm not around the same people, but I'm glad that my best friends Logan and Jordan are still around and I get to see them more often. Especially Logan. It was really cool to be able to take him to brunch at my hotel and for him to meet the people that I work with. I like the work relationship that I'm building with them, and the growth that I'm being afforded.

The changes that I've been working and striving towards are happening. One thing at a time.

As of right now I'm making the resolve to not focus on the dating scene and all that comes with it. I'm aware that ANYTHING can happen, but I really want to make sure I'm on track, I realize that relationships are a lot of work, and take a lot of effort from both parties. For me, I'm in this place where "Yes, I would love to be in one" I'm also in a place where it's a "Not right now" kind of position. I think this is because I'm so trying to better myself right now. I want to come into a relationship feeling good about what's happening. I've been on dates where after the first hour, I've mentally checked out, and that's not good at all. Let's me know even more that right now I need to focus on what I'm trying to do. If love presented itself I wouldn't run from it, but I feel like I'll know it when it's happening. Part of growing right?

LOVE, PEACE, and LIGHT!

Much love y'all!

-Ty

What It Means To Live In Your Truth

A new month...April.

I'm often bad at trying to figure out where do I begin to write about. Life is HAPPENING. Last week I said farewell to a few things in my life and now I'm headed full sail into the next phase of this journey called life. Over the past couple of days I've been restructuring my life inside and out. Getting headstrong on my "Journey to 30" fitness challenge and balancing my work life, with my gym life, and my social life.

As I get closer to 30, which I'm so excited about, I see the positive changes that I've been making have really been beneficial for me emotionally and physically. I think you get to a point in life where you have to start thinking about your future as whole, and check back with your goal list to see if you're on track. I changed jobs recently so that I could have more time to work on the things that I really want to be doing, and I changed jobs because I felt like the pressure of work was way more demanding than it had needed to be. For a very long time I'd been wanting to find a way to do more of the things that I like doing, and that I feel are going to take me places. For me for the longest time it was a battle of "Well this money is consistent, but it's tiring," and doubled with my own fear of always trying to present more of myself than I needed too to people. I realized that I was sort of losing myself to my job and people at my job. That was becoming my life, and for me, personally, it wasn't ok. I was stunting my own growth. Growth was happening, but at a pace where I know I can achieve things quicker if I don't feel so tired, or over worked. The first year and a half there I really did a lot of learning for myself. It felt like a school setting in a lot of ways. By my last full year there last year...I was starting to withdraw from the social aspects work, and the gossip. Putting more efforts into my body, and other things. I stopped going to O'Lunney's , or Chelsea Grill because that was a major part of why I wasn't able to focus and was keeping me caught up in things I didn't need to be caught up in. I can say I've had relationships, and friendships suffer because of it, a lot of it with coworkers from when I work there. Now I can say I don't regret anything that happened, that's what got me to this point today. Last Thursday night I didn't want to make a big deal about it being my last evening there, but it was really bittersweet, because I'm going to miss some of those people a lot, some of them will forever be in my life. I'll always have to managers there that will have my heart always..B & J, if it wasn't for them I don't think I would've stayed as long as I did. Then there are my Boyz (Darryl, Donny, Lorenzo, Tiandre, and Gregory) they made work such a joy there for me, because I didn't have a group of guys that worked with me that I could connect with and be able to express/ explain myself more and also keep me on track with what I wanted to do. They are really solid rocks in my life, they would keep it 100% every time, and I vice versa. That's when I started to change. As I started to change I really started to outgrow my work environment.


Over the past few months the things I even talk about on here , I've re-read.. and I'll be like, wait there are some things I've left out, Oh I should've talked about this, but that's life. This TRUE finding of myself and really feeling like I'm becoming more comfortable in myself, which is the MAIN goal. Not altering who I am, or my opinions to please someone. Just openly saying how I feel about something and if they don't like it "OH WELL!" I'd rather live a life of "Oh Well's" then a life of "What if's" I use to tip-toe on people feelings, but I would let people trample all over mine. It's not a good feeling. I know that living here in New York City you have to be strong, and you have to know how to be firm and direct in life. What I went through to get here to New York, now can't go to waste. You have to understand how driven I am as a person. It's about making moves. It's about doing what it takes to achieve your dreams in the most honorable, and positive way possible, with that being said I recently became encountered in a situation where I was referred to as a "Play Thing." I thought I was building and working towards something with a great person, but when I was referred to by his friend as that in an introduction by his friends, that which had been sitting in my spirit came forth, under a few glasses of chardonnay, isn't it strange how alcohol will make you say how you feel? If there is one thing that I never ever want to be referred to as is someones "play thing" or as a friend told me "His fuckboy." It was a total shocker because now that I've had time to digest a few things...I can see how they would say that, but those words that could have broken me down, instead turned a switch on in my head. The words "I LOVE YOU" will never be used by me lightly, and never want my love for someone to be taken advantage of. My love doesn't deserve that, and I sure don't deserve that either. Some people got to walk away unscathed by the ordeal, and I'm very glad I handled the situation with a lot of grace. It might have bruised me, but it didn't tear me down. All is well, and since then I've diving full force into writing about my time here in NYC in the form of a play called "Letter to Mr. Baldwin." What's really cool about right now is that the people I want to take notice of what I'm doing, are paying attention. I'm realizing that I don't have to change who I am, I'm going to be fine by just being me, but authentically me.

Staying focused, and walking MY walk. I'm going to love, live, and laugh a lot from here on out. I see it. I feel it.

Being ME, New York WILL adjust.

Being ME, the world WILL adjust.

Love, Peace, Light, Truth, Integrity.

-TY