My facebook status last night was take from Beyonce's "Pretty Hurts"
"My aspiration in life is to be happy..."
We have all been in or seen relationships where one or both people are trying to make something work but it never seems to work. The relationship feels broken. Through talking with other couples, and even my own experiences I have encountered symptoms of brokenness or a series of dysfunctional patterns (i.e tantrums, selfish motivations, manipulation, inability to be reasonable, withholding information, not taking responsibility and avoiding truth) that become the primary way in which we operate within our day-to-day relationships. Brokenness can create an empty feeling or sense of hopelessness which makes communication nearly impossible and highlights the patterns that keep us from wholeness and wellness.
I used the word broken to describe the experiences of same gender loving men of color who have historically had no model for healthy relationships. These men have also spent the vast majority of their romantic and sexual encounters in secrecy. Trying to create and sustain an emotional safe space for communication, honesty and transparency can be quite the challenge for anyone not living their truth. The word broken my not resonate with all of you; some may personalize the statement and became extremely offended. It was never intended to offend, however truth has an uncanny way of offending people. The word broken can become difficult for some people to move beyond; however today other wellness and spiritual gurus such as T.D Jakes, Brene Brown and Iyanla Vanzant have used the word or comparable language, and now it has become socially acceptable because it is mainstream. The point being made is that we must be honest about our condition. We cannot change something if we refuse to acknowledge its existence. There is the saying, if there is a will there is a way, but I say there can be no will where there is no awareness.
Our individual brokenness can lead to our growing apart in our relationships. We start to feel the differences between us are so great that we may never be on the same page again. Growing apart doesn’t happen all at once. It usually feels like a covert operation. One day you wake up and you don’t even recognize your relationship. What was once feedback is now a barrage of critical digs. The messiness spills out in the presence of family and friends and seeping into all areas of our lives. I want to take this time to remind you that you were probably working on you before the relationship and the rush of love or the need to be sexually and socially validated bumped your “take care of me” mind set to the back burner. Suddenly things have changed and you are reminded through your partner’s action or inaction of the work you were supposed to do before you entered into a relationship. The relationship has suddenly become a mirror of the “you” that you did not fix. You simply brought all the broken pieces of you which were poorly glued together in order to give the appearance of a whole healthy person. Real talk, you have always needed to do this work and so has your partner. Your relationships are just reflecting what and who you are.
Coming together and building a life should never be without a clear commitment to continue to do your self-work. We are so invested in the relationship work that we want to do or allowing ourselves to become so distracted by the relationship that we forget that the purpose of our relationships is to flourish and thrive when two wholes come together. Instead we are two holes coming together hoping one can fill the other and soon we realize it will never be enough. Get clear and stay clear about your self-work and involve your partner so that you both are on the same page. We can minimize the drama in our conflict by acknowledging our strengths and limitations, accepting our partner’s perception of strengths and limitation and deciding what kind of relationship we want to be; however we must first decide what kind of ME do I want to be. Then work towards your ideal relationship. Is it one that is equal or one that is equitable?
Equity and equality are both great tools. They force us to communicate our intentions and needs. If you find yourself in a stuck relationship of any kind, I caution you to revisit the self-work you started to do before your relationship. I also encourage you to identify the family themes and patterns of brokenness that you may have inherited, which might very well be showing up in your relationships. Had we been the decedents of people who communicated in a way that was healthy who knew how to take responsibility and be held accountable for their actions; and most importantly who learned how to love and like themselves; then that would mean you would have come from a history of people who understood wholeness and were able to operate as their ideal self. You would be without the brokenness or at least you would have the tools to combat brokenness, and you would be on your way to practicing wholeness. Wholeness is not just a state of being it is making choices that are in your best interest along the journey. You see, the real secret to a happy long relationship is to start that relationship with two individuals who are already whole, because at the end of the day love and happiness is an inside job.
Well g2g PEACE
P.S.
Loving myself back to life
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
30 Things you MAY NOT know about me...TYREE
So I thought this might be fun and a cool chance for some of you to know some pretty interesting stuff about me. I don't really think I'm that interesting so here goes nothing.
1.) For one month straight, I watched "The Wiz" until I fell asleep every night.
2.) I enjoy doing laundry
3.) My pet peeve is when people spend a lot of money just to impress other people.
4.) I don't like asking for help in any form.
5.) I'm stubborn to the core
6.) I'm a LEO
7.) According to my best friend Jordan, and Barrage I am a "Passive Top"
8.) I think I'm the best cook in this universe
9.) I use to weight 250 lbs.
10.) I have one sibling his name is Bryan Christian Walker
11.) I hate talking on the phone, because I make awkward pauses, and I hate saying goodbye.
12.) I don't like Goodbye's so often I leave places with out telling people, or I leave jobs without telling co-workers goodbye.
13.) I use to be a "touch-me-not." I use to hate giving hugs and getting them.
14.) I collect Wizard of Oz items
15.) My go to snack is Apple Chips
16.) I plan to own a gym and have a theatre named after me someday.
17.) I can always tell when my Dad's father who is deceased is trying to contact me or is near me.
18.) I love alone time.
19.) The gym is my playground and stress reliever
20.) I knew I belonged in a big city since I was a child.
21.) The first time I kissed a guy I was 21.
22.) My first guy crush was in my Sophomore year of High School.
23.) I love peanut butter.
24.) I can become un-attracted to a guy sexually as soon as I know they've done something wrong. I will not keep it up at all. Trust is HUGE for me.
25.) Halloween is my favorite holiday
26.) I skipped NYC Pride this year and decided to go the gym instead. I've got goals yo!
27.) I am actually classically trained in playing the guitar.
28.) I can't put food in my mouth unless I can touch it with my tongue first.
29.) I ALWAYS eat random Chinese food in airports and regret it later
30.) I've always wanted to get flowers from someone I'm dating.
That's my 30! Weird right? I know..but it's random and it's ME. That's a little bit of myself for you folks! Livin' this blog up a bit!
Well g2g! LOVING MYSELF BACK TO LIFE
1.) For one month straight, I watched "The Wiz" until I fell asleep every night.
2.) I enjoy doing laundry
3.) My pet peeve is when people spend a lot of money just to impress other people.
4.) I don't like asking for help in any form.
5.) I'm stubborn to the core
6.) I'm a LEO
7.) According to my best friend Jordan, and Barrage I am a "Passive Top"
8.) I think I'm the best cook in this universe
9.) I use to weight 250 lbs.
10.) I have one sibling his name is Bryan Christian Walker
11.) I hate talking on the phone, because I make awkward pauses, and I hate saying goodbye.
12.) I don't like Goodbye's so often I leave places with out telling people, or I leave jobs without telling co-workers goodbye.
13.) I use to be a "touch-me-not." I use to hate giving hugs and getting them.
14.) I collect Wizard of Oz items
15.) My go to snack is Apple Chips
16.) I plan to own a gym and have a theatre named after me someday.
17.) I can always tell when my Dad's father who is deceased is trying to contact me or is near me.
18.) I love alone time.
19.) The gym is my playground and stress reliever
20.) I knew I belonged in a big city since I was a child.
21.) The first time I kissed a guy I was 21.
22.) My first guy crush was in my Sophomore year of High School.
23.) I love peanut butter.
24.) I can become un-attracted to a guy sexually as soon as I know they've done something wrong. I will not keep it up at all. Trust is HUGE for me.
25.) Halloween is my favorite holiday
26.) I skipped NYC Pride this year and decided to go the gym instead. I've got goals yo!
27.) I am actually classically trained in playing the guitar.
28.) I can't put food in my mouth unless I can touch it with my tongue first.
29.) I ALWAYS eat random Chinese food in airports and regret it later
30.) I've always wanted to get flowers from someone I'm dating.
That's my 30! Weird right? I know..but it's random and it's ME. That's a little bit of myself for you folks! Livin' this blog up a bit!
Well g2g! LOVING MYSELF BACK TO LIFE
Thursday, July 10, 2014
My Love Affair With...
Alright I'm up super early! Can you believe it?
This blog is going to be about my new found boyfriend...his name is The Gym.
Me and The Gym have a crazy understanding for each other. I help him, and he helps me.
So where do I begin with this blog? My crazy for the gym is insatiable. I prefer the gym over sex...mildly, I mean there both exercise. But I can't describe how much pleasure I really do get from going to the gym. A few people have asked me what my life is like and how do I find the time and energy to get to the gym as much as I do. The answer is really freakin' simple. We make time for the things we want to make time for, and I find time to fit my gym time in my not so crazy life. Do I have a life since I go to the gym as much as I do? To be honest with you, not as much as a lot of people would think. Here as of recent I've gotten super into getting fit and healthy and I know a lot of the time my multimedia portrays that I'm up to a few different things, but if someone were to spend a week with me they would see that not much really goes on. I sleep a lot...I sleep up to 10 hours a day, because my body needs that time to recover from my workouts, and then I wake up in time to go to work, then afterwards head to the gym, and then repeat the cycle again 5 out of the 7 days of the week. I've made my social times strictly during Friday and Saturday and since Jesus rested on the seventh day...so do I.
I tell some of my friends that this new quest to being fit isn't at all easy and really does take a great amount of discipline. I've gotten to the point where I'm really strict about what I put into my body and how I treat my body. I've started prepping my meals for the week, and I've gotten really into different types of health food products. In my apt. one counter is full of my different whey's and other health nut stuff. I will say that it is a huge investment and I get extra excited on my days when I get to go shop at GNC or my favorite store Vitamin Shop and get new things. You should see my face light up when I go into Vitamin Shop. I'm essentially like a kid in Toy's R Us or at some candy store.
This past weekend I was out with a friend and they asked me do I realize how gorgeous I am? I can tell you all that I don't and I don't ever want to get to the point where I become big headed and think I'm all that. My main objective for this whole becoming is because I really want to be at my best possible physical shape. I do take pride in how far I've come in this goal. The other day it dawned on me that I came to NYC weighing 230 lbs and last summer I weighed 160 lbs...NEVER again! Now I'm sitting at a cool 187 lbs and I love it. My waist size is where I'd ideally like it to be and shirt size too.
Am I doing this for myself? Damn right I am! I've always wanted this since I was a kid. I've found something else that I'm really passionate about and I'm good at it. I hope soon to parlay all of this knowledge into someone else and help them get to where they want to be. I am taking the next step and working on finally just working at gym. I'm at home there and in a strange way it's my playground and I this man loves him some recess!
On the UP and UUUUPPP! I'M OUT! LOVING MYSELF BACK TO LIFE!
This blog is going to be about my new found boyfriend...his name is The Gym.
Me and The Gym have a crazy understanding for each other. I help him, and he helps me.
So where do I begin with this blog? My crazy for the gym is insatiable. I prefer the gym over sex...mildly, I mean there both exercise. But I can't describe how much pleasure I really do get from going to the gym. A few people have asked me what my life is like and how do I find the time and energy to get to the gym as much as I do. The answer is really freakin' simple. We make time for the things we want to make time for, and I find time to fit my gym time in my not so crazy life. Do I have a life since I go to the gym as much as I do? To be honest with you, not as much as a lot of people would think. Here as of recent I've gotten super into getting fit and healthy and I know a lot of the time my multimedia portrays that I'm up to a few different things, but if someone were to spend a week with me they would see that not much really goes on. I sleep a lot...I sleep up to 10 hours a day, because my body needs that time to recover from my workouts, and then I wake up in time to go to work, then afterwards head to the gym, and then repeat the cycle again 5 out of the 7 days of the week. I've made my social times strictly during Friday and Saturday and since Jesus rested on the seventh day...so do I.
I tell some of my friends that this new quest to being fit isn't at all easy and really does take a great amount of discipline. I've gotten to the point where I'm really strict about what I put into my body and how I treat my body. I've started prepping my meals for the week, and I've gotten really into different types of health food products. In my apt. one counter is full of my different whey's and other health nut stuff. I will say that it is a huge investment and I get extra excited on my days when I get to go shop at GNC or my favorite store Vitamin Shop and get new things. You should see my face light up when I go into Vitamin Shop. I'm essentially like a kid in Toy's R Us or at some candy store.
This past weekend I was out with a friend and they asked me do I realize how gorgeous I am? I can tell you all that I don't and I don't ever want to get to the point where I become big headed and think I'm all that. My main objective for this whole becoming is because I really want to be at my best possible physical shape. I do take pride in how far I've come in this goal. The other day it dawned on me that I came to NYC weighing 230 lbs and last summer I weighed 160 lbs...NEVER again! Now I'm sitting at a cool 187 lbs and I love it. My waist size is where I'd ideally like it to be and shirt size too.
Am I doing this for myself? Damn right I am! I've always wanted this since I was a kid. I've found something else that I'm really passionate about and I'm good at it. I hope soon to parlay all of this knowledge into someone else and help them get to where they want to be. I am taking the next step and working on finally just working at gym. I'm at home there and in a strange way it's my playground and I this man loves him some recess!
On the UP and UUUUPPP! I'M OUT! LOVING MYSELF BACK TO LIFE!
Friday, July 4, 2014
Why did I ever stop blogging?
I'm going to do this quickly because I've got to get some sleep!
So, it seems like I went on a brief hiatus from writing, and honestly I shouldn't have because there is so much to talk about and so much to be discussed. I paused on writing partially because I've been kinda busy with getting my shit together and doing a lot of what I need to be doing so that I'm able to write about it. I've been doing some self-exploring. I'd like to start by saying that my life is a okay right now. I've been working 6 days a week with little to no off-days..that's going to change soon for my own mental stability and I've been bulking in the gym...which is where I've just come from.
Summer is in full swing here and it has brought about some cool happening and validations for myself. I've learned that to make the changes that need to make, that I've got to totally cut some people out, it might have even meant stop talking to them period. I don't have the time or strength anymore to sit around and argue with anyone and I don't have too either. Arguing isn't a good for me or progressive for anyone no matter the situation. I've been really low-key and I intend on keeping it that way, keeping my friend circle small, and my going out to a minimum. I'm taking classes right now to get certified as a Personal Trainer, and juggling a Shakespeare class on top of it. I know myself now and to do what I'm doing I need to be straight up focused and attentive in my studies.
I've got dreams, like legit dreams and goals at this point that I'd like to achieve be the time that I'm 30. I'd like to be running a gym and have my own for profit theatre company up and going. Can I do it? We'll see!
My dating life...hahahaha (it's too funny) it's actually non-existant. After some stirring events I've completely shut-down thought of dating anyone at this point in time. I don't have the patience, I don't want to argue with anyone, and I don't know if I can even trust anyone right now. All this could change. It really could, but my season just isn't right now and it's very clear to me. I think the key for me right now it to focus on what's important to Ty and it's my above said goals.
On the up and up. I feel sexy and I'm loving myself back to life!
So, it seems like I went on a brief hiatus from writing, and honestly I shouldn't have because there is so much to talk about and so much to be discussed. I paused on writing partially because I've been kinda busy with getting my shit together and doing a lot of what I need to be doing so that I'm able to write about it. I've been doing some self-exploring. I'd like to start by saying that my life is a okay right now. I've been working 6 days a week with little to no off-days..that's going to change soon for my own mental stability and I've been bulking in the gym...which is where I've just come from.
Summer is in full swing here and it has brought about some cool happening and validations for myself. I've learned that to make the changes that need to make, that I've got to totally cut some people out, it might have even meant stop talking to them period. I don't have the time or strength anymore to sit around and argue with anyone and I don't have too either. Arguing isn't a good for me or progressive for anyone no matter the situation. I've been really low-key and I intend on keeping it that way, keeping my friend circle small, and my going out to a minimum. I'm taking classes right now to get certified as a Personal Trainer, and juggling a Shakespeare class on top of it. I know myself now and to do what I'm doing I need to be straight up focused and attentive in my studies.
I've got dreams, like legit dreams and goals at this point that I'd like to achieve be the time that I'm 30. I'd like to be running a gym and have my own for profit theatre company up and going. Can I do it? We'll see!
My dating life...hahahaha (it's too funny) it's actually non-existant. After some stirring events I've completely shut-down thought of dating anyone at this point in time. I don't have the patience, I don't want to argue with anyone, and I don't know if I can even trust anyone right now. All this could change. It really could, but my season just isn't right now and it's very clear to me. I think the key for me right now it to focus on what's important to Ty and it's my above said goals.
On the up and up. I feel sexy and I'm loving myself back to life!
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