Thursday, March 24, 2016
Ever Evolving.
The Evolution of me...etc, etc.
A lot of growing is happening, and it's happening fast. The past few weeks I've been just in awe, and amazed at what's been going on in my life. Getting really fit and trusting the whole fitness process that I'm undergoing, going into a new job, and closing a chapter in my life, and beginning a new chapter that looks like it my just be my best yet.
There are days I get overwhelmed and scared about growing into this Man that I'd always envisioned that I would become. I always talk about being fit, and being successful. Over the past 2 years or so I've really been putting my words into action. I have the really strong power within me to succeed in anything that I do. At this phase of my life I'm becoming way more confident as a person, and taking the mistakes from my past and learning from them and building on a better future for myself. Where I get overwhelmed is seeing how much it's taking my to do all of this. I'm constantly on my grind and sometimes that means I lose touch with friends and those I'm use to hanging out with. There's even very little time for myself. Right now I can't tell you when the last time I had a FULL day off from either job. In a week that part will be remedied of course. The part that scares me is I'm leaving the very first job I had here in NYC. I've tried leaving before, but I always end up coming back, this time I've been given the opportunity to have more time to grow and do more outside creative work that I like to do, while still making very good money. It's an offer I can't refuse. Just over the past few weeks alone, it's been great having my evenings off and being able to connect with my best friends, or take a class, or explore more of this city. It's hard leaving a place where you feel like you've done the most growing as a person, but it's also tough knowing you've outgrown a place that you do love a lot. I realized that I was changing and getting back to the person that I was before I moved here, that this wasn't the right fit for me anymore, or what I'm trying to achieve here in NYC. It was creating a sort of stagnation in me, that didn't feel well. I hate the feeling of complacency, when that sets in that's my cue to keep moving forward.
I learned a lot of lessons during my time at my first job, and now I'm using my tools and moving forward.
Last week I was thinking to myself, how awesome it is to not only see the sun shining bright, but actually beginning to feel it's warm, even in this cold weather. I think it has to do with the fact I'm feeling better about a few things in life.
With all this being said. I AM BECOMING MORE MYSELF THAN I EVER HAVE. I can't stress this fact enough. I feel like for the longest time I was trying to conform to the NYC scene so hardcore that I was losing touch with what already made me great as person. I also realize that's a big part of evolving as person. You lose yourself to find yourself again, but you find a even better person. I'm resilient. When I fall down, you can expect me to comeback 10x's better than before. Also I've stopped reflecting on the past, because nothing is there, and holding on to that is what was keeping me from evolving. I feel like I'm a Pokemon. LOL.
I ready to take on this next chapter on my life here in the big city. I'm more excited about what's happening to me and just ready for the world to see what I'm capable of doing. Looking forward to building firm roots here. I'm a Lion, so I'm here be the best and give my best. I also think it's interesting that as I evolve how many people are taking notice...even the ones that left me high and dry, and ghosted on me. I'm amazed at the people who've reached back out to me, and I'm not the type of person to be petty and throw shade. I welcome them back, and hope to catch up with them at a later date.
Life, Happiness, Goals, Aspirations, and Love are all coming up...in due time! I'm trusting the process and making New York City adjust to me.
PEACE OUT!
LOVE and LIGHT!
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
A Story, A Story, Let It Come, Let It Go.
I don't believe in fairytales....
But I believe I'm being my own hero and breaking my own curse that's been placed upon me.
This morning I woke up and I looked around me. I looked around my room and I realized I felt out of place. I examined my walls, looked at my clothes covered floor, and my cluttered desk drawer and said "Where Am I?" This feeling was shocking and revealing at the same time. I got up and made my protein shake, and my steel cut oatmeal and begin to plan the rest of my day. I haven't been off from either jobs in awhile, and today I decided that I needed the day to myself. I watched an episode of "The Walking Dead" which I've been trying to watch for the past couple of years. Still stuck on Season !, but now I'm on Episode 4 of the season, I'm really determined to see this, can't you tell? After I watched that I took my Pre-workout and got ready for a much needed Chest Day at the gym. Afterward I was feeling pumped and refreshed and headed to get lunch, and come home and cook and shower. Never not once returning to my bedroom, a place I don't like spending too much time in. I ate lunch, chat on the phone, and to my roommate and then I just started cleaning the kitchen, and living room, where I do most of my sleeping. As I was cleaning I decided to open to the door to my room, the place where everything from my past lives, my own attic of memories. I dawned on me that my room had become a place where I was only storing memories. It wasn't a place to sleep or just relax, It was a room full treasures, and memories, some good, some bad.
I looked around at my room, and I took a deep breath and I pulled the door to the other side, and there lying on the floor was a stuffed monkey from Build-A-Bear. I looked at it and picked it up and squeezed its hand...the voice that came from the monkey was a voice I hadn't heard in years. It was the voice that has altered my entire life. I looked at it and got angry and started crying. Everything that I was trying so hard to block flooded right back in. I looked at my wall. I saw the Playbill Case that he had made and the playbill's he had searched high and low to find. I yanked the case off the wall and just stared at it. I took the Monkey and the Case and out of my room. I threw the Monkey in the trash and put the case in the hallway closet, until I can figure out what to do with it. I looked at the my dresser and saw the earrings he gave me on our last anniversary, still in the case..I threw them in the trash. I dug through my dresser and I remembered he had written me a letter after our first anniversary, that I had hid from my parents because I wasn't out at the time. I didn't even re-read it...I threw it in the trash. As each piece was being removed from my room i felt weights inside of me just slide off. Tears in my eyes, and all.
A year a go I was walking to the subway and a psychic woman tried to give me a reading. She said that a dark cloud was placed on me by someone or some people. She wasn't too sure, but she wanted to sit with me and talk. I thought it all foolish, and I she offered to read me for free, but she thought it important to tell me. I talked myself out of going because. I've been told that I shouldn't and they only want my money, but something did feel really sincere about what she was saying, or what she was trying to tell me. Here I am at this new juncture of my life. Where I've made the choice to delete past situations out of my life, but mentally and physically unaware that I hadn't done a full true cleanse, and not just on social media, but in my day to day life.
I looked around at my room again, and saw remnants of my first NY ex's shirts. I laughed, but I tossed those too. I saw papers from old jobs in Alabama, and memories from other events. Why was I holding on to all of this stuff? Why did I think I needed it? This hoarding of things that don't have any value to my life right now. I clicked to me that this is one of the things that is holding me back. I'm surrounded by so many past things, that in my room, I'm physically walking back into my past each and every time I step foot in there. That's why I don't like to be in there. Today I confronted myself and rid myself of half of my room. I stood for a moment after, bare walls, bare floors, and it felt freeing. Not only did it feel like a brand new space, I also it felt like I was clearing my heart of everything that I didn't need to be holding on too anymore. It's time to enjoy life again! It's time to come here and do what I set out to do.
Last night at my other job, I was exhausted because I left my day job to come serve at night, which I'm doing till I get my first checks, and I'm well adjusted. Last night however I realized that change is imminent. I've been working so hard to find this place of happiness, and pulling myself together personally. I was going to hold on and keep my serving job, but that also means, that I'm holding on to my past, because I feel comfortable there. I know everyone, everyone knows me, it's easy. I also realize I'm not progressing there, and I'm not as happy as I use to be there. I love my coworkers, I love my managers, but I know I'm not supposed to be there forever. It was my first ever job here in NYC. I've tried to go to other place, but I also came back. Now I'm in a situation where my new job, is exactly where I need to be right now, to gain more ground in what I want to be doing. Time wise, art wise, fitness wise. It's hard letting go sometimes, but I see that my time there is coming to and end, and sometimes I'm so scared that I'm going miss out, but I realize and know that this is what I need to do...for myself,and for my well-being, and future.
I took the time to think about how far I've come as a person. I've gone through many things in this short time I've been living here, and I've gone through many things in life. This time I'm rebounding SO HARD and it feels SO DAMN GOOD! I've come to realize that I've got to let go, and take a chance at this new life, that I prayed so hard for. Many night, and mornings talking to God about how I need a fresh start. I want to be better, and do better. I'm so driven as a person. My confidence is coming back in full force. I don't let anyone talk to me or about me in ANY kind of way. I feel like the man who was so confident and driven when I first step foot here in this city has returned. I step outside my apartment and I feel like this city is all new to me again. I feel like those around me are starting to see that too. My connection are getting stronger and I'm physically getting stronger. Thank GOD, for my love of the gym. When there was NOBODY here for me, the one place I knew I could find solace was in the gym. I may not believe in fairytales, but I do believe I've broken my own curse. I WILL walk into my 30's slaying the fucking scene, and I will make a name for myself here in this city, and the world...one step at a time.
Trust the process.
LOVE, PEACE, and LIGHT!
-Tyree
But I believe I'm being my own hero and breaking my own curse that's been placed upon me.
This morning I woke up and I looked around me. I looked around my room and I realized I felt out of place. I examined my walls, looked at my clothes covered floor, and my cluttered desk drawer and said "Where Am I?" This feeling was shocking and revealing at the same time. I got up and made my protein shake, and my steel cut oatmeal and begin to plan the rest of my day. I haven't been off from either jobs in awhile, and today I decided that I needed the day to myself. I watched an episode of "The Walking Dead" which I've been trying to watch for the past couple of years. Still stuck on Season !, but now I'm on Episode 4 of the season, I'm really determined to see this, can't you tell? After I watched that I took my Pre-workout and got ready for a much needed Chest Day at the gym. Afterward I was feeling pumped and refreshed and headed to get lunch, and come home and cook and shower. Never not once returning to my bedroom, a place I don't like spending too much time in. I ate lunch, chat on the phone, and to my roommate and then I just started cleaning the kitchen, and living room, where I do most of my sleeping. As I was cleaning I decided to open to the door to my room, the place where everything from my past lives, my own attic of memories. I dawned on me that my room had become a place where I was only storing memories. It wasn't a place to sleep or just relax, It was a room full treasures, and memories, some good, some bad.
I looked around at my room, and I took a deep breath and I pulled the door to the other side, and there lying on the floor was a stuffed monkey from Build-A-Bear. I looked at it and picked it up and squeezed its hand...the voice that came from the monkey was a voice I hadn't heard in years. It was the voice that has altered my entire life. I looked at it and got angry and started crying. Everything that I was trying so hard to block flooded right back in. I looked at my wall. I saw the Playbill Case that he had made and the playbill's he had searched high and low to find. I yanked the case off the wall and just stared at it. I took the Monkey and the Case and out of my room. I threw the Monkey in the trash and put the case in the hallway closet, until I can figure out what to do with it. I looked at the my dresser and saw the earrings he gave me on our last anniversary, still in the case..I threw them in the trash. I dug through my dresser and I remembered he had written me a letter after our first anniversary, that I had hid from my parents because I wasn't out at the time. I didn't even re-read it...I threw it in the trash. As each piece was being removed from my room i felt weights inside of me just slide off. Tears in my eyes, and all.
A year a go I was walking to the subway and a psychic woman tried to give me a reading. She said that a dark cloud was placed on me by someone or some people. She wasn't too sure, but she wanted to sit with me and talk. I thought it all foolish, and I she offered to read me for free, but she thought it important to tell me. I talked myself out of going because. I've been told that I shouldn't and they only want my money, but something did feel really sincere about what she was saying, or what she was trying to tell me. Here I am at this new juncture of my life. Where I've made the choice to delete past situations out of my life, but mentally and physically unaware that I hadn't done a full true cleanse, and not just on social media, but in my day to day life.
I looked around at my room again, and saw remnants of my first NY ex's shirts. I laughed, but I tossed those too. I saw papers from old jobs in Alabama, and memories from other events. Why was I holding on to all of this stuff? Why did I think I needed it? This hoarding of things that don't have any value to my life right now. I clicked to me that this is one of the things that is holding me back. I'm surrounded by so many past things, that in my room, I'm physically walking back into my past each and every time I step foot in there. That's why I don't like to be in there. Today I confronted myself and rid myself of half of my room. I stood for a moment after, bare walls, bare floors, and it felt freeing. Not only did it feel like a brand new space, I also it felt like I was clearing my heart of everything that I didn't need to be holding on too anymore. It's time to enjoy life again! It's time to come here and do what I set out to do.
Last night at my other job, I was exhausted because I left my day job to come serve at night, which I'm doing till I get my first checks, and I'm well adjusted. Last night however I realized that change is imminent. I've been working so hard to find this place of happiness, and pulling myself together personally. I was going to hold on and keep my serving job, but that also means, that I'm holding on to my past, because I feel comfortable there. I know everyone, everyone knows me, it's easy. I also realize I'm not progressing there, and I'm not as happy as I use to be there. I love my coworkers, I love my managers, but I know I'm not supposed to be there forever. It was my first ever job here in NYC. I've tried to go to other place, but I also came back. Now I'm in a situation where my new job, is exactly where I need to be right now, to gain more ground in what I want to be doing. Time wise, art wise, fitness wise. It's hard letting go sometimes, but I see that my time there is coming to and end, and sometimes I'm so scared that I'm going miss out, but I realize and know that this is what I need to do...for myself,and for my well-being, and future.
I took the time to think about how far I've come as a person. I've gone through many things in this short time I've been living here, and I've gone through many things in life. This time I'm rebounding SO HARD and it feels SO DAMN GOOD! I've come to realize that I've got to let go, and take a chance at this new life, that I prayed so hard for. Many night, and mornings talking to God about how I need a fresh start. I want to be better, and do better. I'm so driven as a person. My confidence is coming back in full force. I don't let anyone talk to me or about me in ANY kind of way. I feel like the man who was so confident and driven when I first step foot here in this city has returned. I step outside my apartment and I feel like this city is all new to me again. I feel like those around me are starting to see that too. My connection are getting stronger and I'm physically getting stronger. Thank GOD, for my love of the gym. When there was NOBODY here for me, the one place I knew I could find solace was in the gym. I may not believe in fairytales, but I do believe I've broken my own curse. I WILL walk into my 30's slaying the fucking scene, and I will make a name for myself here in this city, and the world...one step at a time.
Trust the process.
LOVE, PEACE, and LIGHT!
-Tyree
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
SoHo and R3hAb
Bulking Season is over!!! Now I'm getting ready to go into what I'm going to call "R3hAb" and will last until July. I'm simply going to be shredding my body fat down so that I can begin to show more of what I've been working on building since late september. It's MARCH and plenty of things are happening in my life right now.
Earlier this year I set a goal for myself to begin a transition for myself and my journey. One of my goals besides getting fit and staying in shape is to find my passion for the arts again, in whatever form the universe wants that to happen. I've been getting callbacks for plays...and MUSICALS (Well, damn!) I auditioned for a awesome show called RENT and I've been called back numerous times for a role that I've always known that I could play, and with some life experiences under my belt, execute well.
I've always wanted to be apart of the arts and entertainment world, especially here in NYC. I want to do it all, and nothing is going to keep me from doing it, and making my way here in this urban jungle! I've been networking with a lot of people, reaching out of my usual circle of connections and just reaching out to people who are well-known in the industry. For me as I get older in age, and being somewhat fresh to all of this, I've realized that I've got to work even harder and longer. A true sense of self has returned to me, and not compromising who I am, and trying to fit in with people who I don't need to fit in for. I have MY groove here in NYC.
I've been down a lot, with figuring out what I'm good at, what am I supposed to be doing with my life. I started writing out my goals, and making small commitments to reach my goals. I can't stress enough how much it's helped me. Last week I was browsing a job page and I saw a few jobs that I was interested in doing and were heavily involved in networking with people in the industry. A tinge of a lack of confidence set in thinking I'm not suited for any of these positions, but I've got a great past background in this. So I applied for a position with a very well-known boutique hotel/nightclub/speakeasy spot. Through a series of interviews and conversations I was offered a job there, and I'm now working there. It's in SoHo, which for me is CRAZY UNBELIEVABLE, because I never imagined that I'd ever work down there in that area of the city. It's been pretty amazing thus far! I love the company, and I see myself learning how to build my own brand, I'm being encouraged to make decisions, and it's very relaxed environment which is so A+ for me right now. I can work, learn, create, and network. Those are 4 big important things for me right now.
The past couple of weeks I've been really thinking about Who am I, Where am I going, How am I going to get there. I'm really about reaching my goals and doing whatever it takes to get there. Also relaxing, and not measuring my success next to someone else's.
TRUSTING THE PROCESS!!! TRUST THE PROCESS!!! <------This is my motto right now. Don't rush life, don't rush love. Trust that everything will happen the way it's supposed to happen.
LOVE PEACE and LIGHT
-Tyree
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