The Ebb and Flow of Life

Just getting home from work. My feet hurt, and I'm tired, but I must write while it's all still collected here in my head.

I've started asking myself lately "How do you do it?"Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to I'm late to bed and I'm early to rise. I hate missing seeing the sunrise every morning. I think there is something so special about seeing the sunrise, it lets me know that a new day has begun and I live to see another day that wasn't promised to me. Here I sit in the wee ours of the early morning in my own little corner, blogging, and waiting to catch the sunrise before I nap for a few ours.

Life is full of new lessons and realizations for me. I'm learning to relish in these moments. I'm learning that my life is still very much uncharted and I'm ok with that. I rarely show my soft side, but tonight I dropped a few tears because I realized how free I actually am. I'm bound to nothing and nobody and it's time I started relishing this freedom for once in my life. I chose to start a new phase in my life. I've come to see I'm not the same boy that moved here almost two years ago, but that I'm becoming this…Man... and at times I scare myself with this new sense of self. I've gained this new discipline for re-sculpting my image and so much more. I've been drug free for 4 months now and I didn't realize that until I was walking home. My health is bouncing back, because I've cut so much crap out and I can see the results of my efforts. I'm really focusing on Me.

The other day someone asked me how they could change and get on my level and what I told them really does ring true. Until you take a really hard look at yourself, and realize what you're doing to yourself you can't even begin to start that change. I know that in order for me to pursue my Journey of Self that I need to be alone a lot. I say this because I know myself. I don't know what it's like to just be alone and not just from a relationship stand point. I see so many of my friends running from guy to guy or girl to girl and in the past I've done the same too. I always wonder do they know what it's like to just Be? Just be by yourself for a minute and get your shit together. Do they really want change or is this just a temporary feeling for them until something else comes along and they get off track? These are the things I think about now that I'm fully aware of my changing and really invested into changing. Don't ask for change and not really want said change. That's silly.

There really is something to loving yourself first, before loving somebody else. Learning to take care of my insecurities first and foremost before I let someone else in has been essential to me.

I'm so ready for summer. I'm ready for tank tops, shorts, a cool pair of sneakers, earrings, a new tattoo (Chest/Shoulder), brunch, and seeing people wearing next to nothing because it will be HOT and most of them will be HOT! Talking to a co-worker today and we both agreed we want to make this summer amazing. So bring on the warm weather. NYC is slowly thawing out.

SO much to live for right now that even on my worst day I'm not even worried.

PEACE