No Longer Living In A Grey Area…Breaking the Cycle

I'm soaking with the mix of sweat and rain and I'm just off the train from the hardest workout I've ever done. So hard, I threw up. I knew it was coming after Leslie and I finished training. As we were heading back to the locker room I looked at him and said "Hold up! I think I'm going to vomit!" Leslie busted out laughing as I started puking my gut out and I asked him why he thought it was so funny, he said it was because I said it so polite and cute as if I was joking. Of course I'm fine. We just went HAM today and did a total body exercise…and I've got to be back at it bright and early.

Anyway…on my train ride back home I was hit with my next blog and while it's still all put together in my mind.

So with everything going on with my life, with my overall health being my main focus at the moment. It's time for a little reflection. Last night I had a great conversation with a friend about somethings that have been going on in our lives. We talked about relationships and coping with the end of one and dating again and so forth, but during this conversation I began to honestly reflect on some past relationship, and people I've dated and where I honestly still stand with those people. The main thing I passed off to my friend was don't let yourself be drawn into living in this weird grey area with this person, that's dangerous and somebody will get there feelings hurt. I also said don't let somebody make you their option, and you will know when you're being treated like one and I'm not going to go into detail, but there are signs that will let you know when you're not being told something by the other person whose keeping you in this grey area, and when that happens know that if they will do this to you, they are bound to do it to others as well. You also have to know that it's not about you, because it's clear now that this person has some issues, and this is your escape to freedom, because you don't want to be caught up with someone whose not presenting you the cold hard truth, because if they present you with the cold hard truth they know they are giving you the choice to decide what the next phase should be, but they don't want to give you that freedom because they want keep you in the grey so you don't go anywhere. I've had this happen to me once before and I told my friend I'm breaking this cycle and that you should too.

I've learned some very valuable things recently that are making me the man that I am. My confidence is coming back in full force and so much more. My therapist told me I'm standing a little taller these days, and she could see that I was taking this whole rebuilding myself journey quite seriously..and I AM! The other day a guy was talking to me and he told me "You know you're really quite a desirable Man…" the key word that struck me was "MAN" I felt like I had exited out of being called a "Young Man"and now I'm being recognized as a MAN…it was the biggest breath of fresh air I'd breathed in a minute.

I tell people this whole journey to my self-discovery of who I am and who I'm becoming isn't easy. Do I still have moments where I'm questioning what I'm doing? The answer is YES! I see a cupcake, pizza, a slice of cake and I want to eat it or I want to punch the person in the face whose enjoying said item! I see couples walking down the street , holding, kissing, hugging, laughing, and I do want those things, but I know I'll be able to get all those things as soon as I'm in a good place with myself and for myself. I'm a wise guy and that's something I'm beginning to love about myself…I'm also silly as hell too! All things aside..I'm in a good place and I know that. My eye is on the prize and REAL nice guys do finish last. My past is in my rearview mirror and my future….man, I can't wait to see what you've got in store for me.