My New Journey

I think the last time I blogged I spoke on how I 3 a.m. I sat on a bench on a dark basketball court and had a little talk with the man upstairs.

Well…since that conversation I've been doing some hardcore thinking. Sometimes it scares me to think for myself and make decisions that better suit me and my life.

Today I'm going to blog to you all about my new journey. For the past 6 weeks some of you know that I've been on this new fitness program that I freaking love. I can't describe how pleased with everything is going with it. 6 weeks ago I decided to get my life together and take back what's mine. The first stop happened in January when my parents suggested that I should go see someone about what's going on with me mentally. I had tried group therapy back in November and I didn't like talking about my problems to a group of people, it just felt weird and more often than not I never really spoke in our sessions. Along with what was going on I started gaining some of the weight I'd lost over the year back. I had gotten down to 170lbs…not really in the healthiest of ways and in January I was back at 204lbs…stress does that! Anyway I was working New Years Eve and instead of celebrating with all my co-workers I completely blanked out and as I was told by someone I just stared at the computer screen while everyone was at the window cheering , that's when I knew I needed to get some help and quick.

I met my wonderful Therapist and life coach 5 days later and she has been one of the most amazing people I've met in this city thus far and I've come across some fantastic people here, but she let me talk, and she let me vent. Who knew that I was so holding on too so much. It was crazy how I was even able to talk about issues from my childhood and recount them to her and not be ashamed by them. I learned that I hold so much in, because I had learned to be passive aggressive, and that when I unleash anger…I unleash with such rage that I can be off putting, or downright scary, since everyone is use to seeing my smiling.

On my trip to Alabama she contacted me and she told me that she knew that I wanted to get in the best shape I've ever been in and she felt like I had what it takes to take my body to the next level. Y'all when I apply myself I can make miracles happen. I met with a nutritionist and we discussed a strict diet plan for myself, and my workout routines, coupled with my things that will stimulate me body and mind.

So the first part of my New Me Journey started 6 weeks ago with me on pursuit to drastically redefine my body the healthy way. I get one cheat day a week, and I hardly take them because I love the journey that I'm on. I can only focus on one stage of my journey one day at a time. I've started on my Mind, and Now I'm on my Body, and when I get to where I want to be physically, I can begin the journey of my career (Theatre and Fitness.)

I'm not going to tell you that this journey is easy. My drink limit is 2 drinks A WEEK, and with that I usually choose my drink of choice (Gin and Tonic) after one I'm feeling it and I have to chase it with 3 glasses of water. I've not touched a Soda, pasta, or rice, or bread! With all the tempting food here in NYC it's very tempting for me to give in, so I grab a bag of nuts and got to town on them.

Yesterday while most were out, or a home, with friends, lover, and whatnot I spent the better part of my day with my Lover (The Gym) breaking my goals, it's the small victories right now for myself that keep me smiling. Bad days at work couldn't keep me from getting in a good workout in or depress me so much that I stress eat. I am not a vegetarian anymore…I kicked it just because what I want to do with my body I need the protein..and HELL, I love Chicken. NO SHAME!

I'm probably going to head out to California in May to go to the Blatino Oasis in Palm Springs and just see what the scene is like out there. I want to see something different.

Here's to Focusing FULLY on me. I learned a couple of nights ago that when I just focus on my career, getting better, and doing what Tyree needs to do everything WILL fall into place, because the extra stuff your heart desires comes when you're really ready for it and you've got your stuff together.

That's all for now. Cheers to my Journey…I'm happy again and that's saying a lot. I love this smile!

PEACE, LOVE, AND SHARE YOUR LIGHT!