I'll Close My Tab.

I'm writing this at 1:37 in the a.m.

I swear I learn something new everyday about myself or I learn how to deal with things. I guess that's what this new journey for me is all about.

Tonight after work I was supposed to have a good night with friends. I was all for it in the beginning and I wanted to hangout with people and for an hour or so I was all about it. We went out to Barrage to catch the happy hour and I had my usual, a gin and tonic. I think my co-workers sitting next to me could tell that I wasn't really feeling as festive as I was trying to be. I started drifting off into my own thoughts tonight. I needed an escape. Tonight I wanted to be left alone in my own thoughts tonight. These are the kind of nights where if I were back home I'd just hop in my car and just drive and listen to music till I was tired and stop in a Huddle House and have breakfast and go back to my place and fall asleep. Alas I can't do that here at the moment because my car isn't here with me. Anyway, I had double booked myself with friends anyway and I ended up going to Queens and hanging out with a friend and being coaxed into going somewhere I'd never in all my time here in this city thought I'd going…We ended up going to Elmhurst and grabbing food at a Malaysian Restaurant. You know I really needed to explore all of NYC and it's nooks and crannies. Elmhurst is full of Asian culture everywhere…and more "authentic" asian food than in Hell's Kitchen. We ended up talking about everything under the sun until my friend looked down at his phone and as we looked around we were the last two in the place. We got our things and we left..and we walked all the way back up towards Queen's Boulevard.

We ended back up at his place where he has an awesome view of Burger King, and a strip club from his high rise apartment. Now this is where class began. I like to ask many questions when I'm learning something new. We talked about long-term relationships and how they work. I don't know why I was so comfortable talking to him about the longest relationship and the demise of that relationship, but it was almost as if by me actually talking about what happened I was beginning to heal. I learned about how He and his partner have made things work and the non-negotiables in there relationship. I was completely fascinated by all of this and everything he had to say. I could go on and on about what we talked about, but I think that's really for me to know and keep for myself as little reminders, but the one thing I really took from our conversation tonight was that everyone's love is different, everyone's relationships are different and seeking out "perfection" in a relationship isn't the way to go. I've got to accept them flaws and all and they the same. #truth.

I'll close my tab now I'm fully drunk on a bottle of "Life Lessons." I've got to learn how to trust again. I guess I have huge trust issues just because of what I've been through in the past and I'm afraid of being hurt again and vice versa. This is part of my breaking down my walls and just going with the flow of life.

I'm on little social media break right now in an effort to regain my own personal life some. I feel like I put too much of my emotions out there for the general public to see whether it's on Facebook of Twitter. and that's not the person I am or want to be. I do like to keep and air of mystery about myself. I'll return to my social media outlets someday, when I'm ready, but right now I just want to really put a effort in on working solely on me. This blog is partially and open window to me, but to really know me is make a true effort to get to know me.

My diet is still going strong and I'm headed down the right path. I'm going to do something pretty neat in the coming months with myself and I can't wait to reveal just what that is. Be patient with me…Stay tuned…you ain't seen nothing yet! ;)

Well g2g

Love, Light and Peace

;)