What is self-worth? What does is it mean to be intoxicating?
Since moving out here to NYC it feels like I get a life lesson everyday. Maybe everyday is a life lesson and I'm just now realizing this.
On Aug. 2nd I started the race into my late twenties...damn I'm getting older...and with it has come one hell of a race. I've been on this self-worth kick a lot lately. It dawned on me recently that I haven't been aware of my own self-worth. I'm a giver and not a much of a taker (Take that anyway you want too!) and I give, give, give. I give a lot to my friends, and I've given a lot to my various lovers too. But the other day I took a step back and thought about what I've been doing to put myself in this position.
I was talking to a friend the other day and I was like "I think I'm ready to start dating again." Now this is a HUGE DEAL. Since moving here I've been in two relationships as said earlier the first guy was great and we are still really close friends...Now I don't even really mention the second one because of how I was treated...here's where I open up. I was introduced by a co-worker/friend to her roommate who thought that He and I would hit it off. We met and BAM we DID hit it off. We ended up going out on a few dates and such things seemed to be going great. First let me say that I believe that a higher power will ALWAYS show you signs of when it's time to get out of a bad situation and we just have to be smart enough to recognize these signs when they are shown to us. That "Higher" Power bitch smacked me in the face 3 times before I actually got what was happening. I guess I had put up some type of blinders so that I couldn't tell how I was being talked too, or being belittled by this guy. I was allowing him to say things to me and about me to my face and I was just laughing it off like it was a joke, but inside I was taking them to heart. Every time that I was allowing him to belittle me I was allowing him to take away ounces of my self-worth. I was already on my quest to better myself as person mentally, and physically, and this pit stop was a test of wills. Finally the day came with a phone call that would make me ended it myself. I've never been one to end a relationship before, but this one made me go "No, this mother fucker cannot continue on my journey with me, FUCK THAT!" So in calm Tyree nature I ended it, but not just there. I cleansed him completely out of my life. Facebook, Instagram, Cell-phone...I wiped him away. I couldn't let someone like that be apart of me while trying to tear me down. So here I am...single and loving this shit! hahah :D
As I said in the earlier post. I needed to be single so I can have some hold of my worth again. I think I personally need to know what it's like to be alone so I can value my worth, and REALLY know my worth before I let another person share my worth. I'm learning to be intoxicating. Yesterday I told myself that "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." Everything happens in steps right? I completed Step 1 last night by cutting back on my alcohol. Usually afterwork a few coworkers and I go out for a drink after work, but yesterday I told myself ONLY red wine...at least I'm getting some antioxidants out of it right? LMFAO! After that we went to The Ritz for all of 10 minutes before I saw it get to crazy for me to handle and instead of joining in I quietly said goodnight to everyone as they went left and I went right. As I walked away in popped in my head to say "Step 1" and when I said that this smile just came across my face because that's when it actually felt like I just made the very first step towards something better. That feeling felt really good. I'm getting back to me everyday..and I can feel it. I'm making moves to transition from my job, I'm starting to really find my passion with theatre, and the boys...one step at a time right? I said to myself.."If someone wants to date me it's time for them to step up and say something, because this time I'm not doing it. I've done the work and now it's time to see someone else put forth the effort for a change. I KNOW MY WORTH & I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER."
FUCK YEAH...I'm INTOXICATING!
-Ty
P.S. I love Miley Cyrus ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment